I don’t know where to start

[Mw77]

I’m new here and not sure how to describe what has happened to me as I don’t understand it myself. But I’ll try to give an overview of it all.
Over the past (timeframe removed by Moderator) years my sister has orchestrated the take over of my life and I’m at the point now where I don’t see a way out. I have been able to get my own place for now and I’m not in physical danger. It has all been psychological and carried out behind my back.
It started with her contacting my then friends who would record our conversations, take and share pictures of me without my consent and screenshot messages. They would get me to talk about my love life. This all ended up with me thinking that I was in love with someone from my distant past who I was no longer attracted to. I believe that my sister was somehow in contact with him or people who knew him. When I eventually questioned my then friends they denied any involvement with my sister or anyone else.
This manipulation, tracking and monitoring of me also included the people I lived and worked with and the places I went to do my hobby. It also included my mother who denied any involvement.
It continued into new friendships, housemates, work colleagues and acquaintances and so now I don’t even make the effort to try and make friends as it always turns out that they know my sister or someone else she has recruited to help her. I am constantly humiliated and feel like I’m not even an actual person and that I am just existing.
I tried to cut my sister off (timeframe removed by Moderator) but all this is still happening. She doesn’t need contact with me to keep doing this. My mother also shares information about me with her and refuses to take me seriously.
I don’t know what to do but I want to live my life and be treated like a human being and just can’t.

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Mw77

This sounds exhausting and highly toxic to you. Are you in contact with any of these people online, if so I would cut that contat if you can immediately. In terms of keeping yourself away from her network, if you don’t give your mother any more information (as she is not hearing your distress and spreading what you share), you can dramatically cut back on others receiving it.

Can you take your hobby to another location, join a different group, maybe even out of the area? Or, again, be very careful what you disclose to ‘strangers’ especially anyone that tries to pump you for information. You don’t have to tell anyone anything, it’s more important you feel safe going about your daily life and have peace.

You have already got yourself a new space to live in, which is a huge positive to be able to close the doors and shut it out, have a safe space to be able to relax in, but you could also block any online who would attempt to track or monitor you in any way through socials.

Keep your information to yourself, avoid divulging to those you don’t yet know are trustworthy and hopefully it will all become very boring for them! I mean if you are not giving anything out what is there for them to talk about?

If having done all you can to limit this to an absolute minimum, have you considered reporting it? It does sound like you have many instances of evidence of monitoring and stalking, and afaik you only need evidence of three incidents to demonstrate a pattern of stalking, which is of course criminal and should be taken very seriously.

I hope something helps, even just the act of you writing this out and telling us here. Keep acting to look after yourself.

warmest wishes

ts

[Mw77]

Thank you very much TS. It’s so helpful just to feel a bit more validated, knowing there’s people who understand and see it for what it is.

I’ve got a very minimal online presence now, I’m not really on social media as it stops any contact in that way like you say.

I’ve come close to reporting it all in the past before I had my own place but always feel like it would blow up and I don’t know how I’d cope, there’s so many people that have been involved in it all. You hear stories about things getting worse and taking a big toll on those who report things. Perhaps when I’m in a stronger position in the future, but then it would probably be too late.

[Twisted Sister]

I’m glad you feel heard and somewhat validated, yes, that can make a huge difference even without doing anything else.

As for whether you report it, that is all under your control of course, to do if and when you feel ready or not.  I am not sure what statute of limitation may be on stalking, but would be worth knowing. I am pretty sure that lots of historical abuse can be reported, including that reported by adults that was suffered as children.  Might be worth having a look for the stalking limits so that you know if there is a deadline. It doesn’t mean you have to do anything, but you would at least know if that were to expire, it often helps to focus the mind when there’s a deadline for a decision.  It’s important to know that there could well be escalating from any action and be prepared for that also, so you do well to know this for yourself and act in the best way to keep you safe and peaceful!

warmest wishes

ts

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