I don't want to give up.my fight

[Borntobefree]

Here venting again

I’ve never been a quiter I’ve always fought for what was right … and always won

I can’t seem to get the way the police treated me
Basically called me a liar in my review

When I told the police that I googled n********t abuse … police used that against me

Saying I made it all up by googling

Which in fact it opened my eyes

Because my ex used n********t games

Mirroring etc .. on my social media

Which I showed police ..but they said I had an obsession with him.

I can’t move forward from this

What are my options I stuck where to go next

[KIP.]

Have you made an official complaint about the officers concerned?

[KIP.]

You could find an expert, maybe someone through Women’s Aid, maybe with a psychological background that could document your experience. Explain in basic terms what n**********c abuse is and how your abusers behaviour was text book. How the polices reaction was ignorant and has badly affected you and you do not want their ignorance to prevent justice in future for other victims of this n**********c abusive behaviour. And an apology! I’m trying to educate the agencies that let me down at the same time change the attitudes. Not always successful but at least I’m trying my best.

[Borntobefree]

Hi kip
Yes I complained about the officers

They all went on my abusers side

Because he was not known on police file he was a good boy … I exposed him.kip

He cheated on me kip
Stalked my fb

Used my ex best friend for money..

And my ex said he loved me and was finding help for me …

I was the problem

Makes me sick kip

Maybe if I reffered bk to mental health and help me get justice I deserve

[KIP.]

Ask yourself what you really want to achieve. I wanted an apology from (detail removed by Moderator) which I got from one of the most senior people in the organisation. When I rang that person six months later she couldn’t even remember me or signing my letter. It took me two years to get that apology and it meant nothing to her. So my advice is to be realistic. Think about what you want to achieve. If it’s not achievable then maybe doing something else to help change the system would help.

[SunshineRainflower]

Wow Born, I can relate to a lot of your situation, the police had the exact same reaction to me when I told them that I started to realised I was in an abusive relationship when I googled what he’d been doing. I came across really helpful articles about emotional abuse, coercive control and the helpline and local DV service confirmed my fear about him. The police’s reply on the other hand was that anyone can google anything and convince themselves! It was awful, sickening and made me feel really invalidated, freaked out, foolish and I even considered going back to him doubting myself!

I agree with KIP about complaining and campaigning. There is so, so much ignorance especially about the psychological side of abuse, and still so much horrendous victim blaming. It’s like the police just decide they don’t believe us and will say anything to discredit us, awful, and actually super worrying because they are putting us in danger. My ex was one scary man and the senior police officer seemed to side with him without even listening to the story, I think he just read a couple of notes then made a stupid, ignorant decision. No wonder there are n*********s and sociopaths running around running the world, they have so many enablers everywhere who enable, deny and turn a blind eye to their behaviour.

Makes me very angry. Lets complain and campaign and not less these (detail removed by Moderator) get away with this, it’s the only way we can make change happen.

[Borntobefree]

Thing is I did not even know emotional abuse was against the law . When I did my video statement. It was for rape .. even though on my written statement on my interview I mentioned things he said to me. The most evil hurtful things you could imagine .. the only thing the officers said he would never work where children are concerned. My worst nightmare him.me hard…

Smh .. I going make an appointment with my gp and get reffered bk to mental health it’s criplling me so bad X

[Freedomfighter]

Hi Borntobefree,
Just wanted to say how sorry I am about the way you’ve been treated by the police. That’s exactly why I have been trapped in my abusive marriage for decades. I didn’t think the police would believe me without physical evidence and proof. He’s an excellent and extremely convincing liar and my word against his, plus his reputation and image against my history of mental health issues was impossible to even contemplate. I felt I didn’t stand a chance. I knew he’d never agree to a divorce. I didn’t have the confidence to leave, never got further than packing my case and making a few initial enquiries before giving up. I didn’t believe I could survive for 5 -6 years on my own and wouldn’t leave my sons with him while I tried anyway. It’s what he’s banking on now. That the system is stacked against us and I won’t have the guts or find the support, or be believed
I’m not involving the police, not using abuse to divorce him. I don’t need that justification, don’t need to feel he’s been punished for what he’s done. All I want is to be free from him and his control with my share of the house. Losing his control, losing his slave, and losing what he considers His money will hurt him badly. He considers me his property ‘you belong to me and you’re mine for all eternity’! He will answer for his actions in due time.
Like Kip says, think about what you really want and need. They tell me I can get a quick divorce without doing head to head battle, without mentioning abuse so that is the route I’m taking. It’s not that I’m a coward, that I don’t want him to stop being an abuser, just that Realistically I don’t think I can win a court battle with him. The most important thing to me is freedom for my son and i, that and my share of the house. I’ve been through enough, I’m not going to chance being treated like you have or doing battle in court and losing because he can afford a better lawyer. Think about what really matters to you, choose your battles and how you fight them. I know that successfully leaving, divorcing him and making a new life for my son and I will p him off extremely. He will be furious! If I can achieve my goal with risk of further pain and injury, then that’s worth it for me. I’ve had a very long time to think about what matters most to me. Revenge, justice isn’t what I want and isn’t worth the risk for me personally. I just want my freedom and a safe place for my son and i to heal and live in peace. There are always many ways to achieve your goals. If one path is blocked or will cause you too much pain, choose another. Sometimes we just need to let go of things and focus on a more positive goal, like our own happiness and health. Good luck with your journey

[puzzledatlife]

I am going to make a separate thread because i have a similar, not identical issue. Police has not been involved, social services have, and I want to make allegations against my ex. I will put another post, I’d like to have your opinions. I think certain fights are worth fighting because it may be a way to restore our dignity and if many of us speak and report and challenge then it may be that something socially changes x

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