I don't want to go home today.

[Tuppance]

It’s silly. He is not there and he has never been physically abusive. My children return to school today and the house is empty. I look around at all the jobs that need doing. This house is broken dreams. I hate it. Everywhere I look I see things to be done but no love. It feels like a prison of sadness. Going to stop somewhere and have a coffee, try and sort my head out. I don’t know why I feel like this today . X*x

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Tuppance, its normal and natural to feel like this at the moment. As the time goes on you will start to look at your house in another way, from a place of calmness, tranquility, relaxation and excitement. It is wonderful having your own home without any negativity seeping in. You can do what you want when you want and with whom you want. I think at the moment you are in the cycle of grief which is a sad and lonely time. It might help you to look up Cycle of Grief on the internet. X*X

[Tuppance]

Thankyou Healthy Archive – I will do that now xx

[Anonymous]

Hi tuppance I can so relate to what you’re feeling. For all he never lived in my flat he would stay at least one night a week, now it feels tarnished by his presence. So I’m going to redecorate, make it all mine again. I will have it so girly & pretty, he will never set foot in my home again. This is how I’m going to learn to love my flat again. Fresh start n all! Give yourself some time, I know it feels so awful at the moment but it honestly does get better.

[KIP.]

Hi Tuppance, I wanted to advise you to speak to your GP about how you’re feeling and what it’s doing to your mental health. Make sure she notes his abusive behaviour as this can be good evidence in future. Should you need it because he will deny abusing you. Also, if the abuse gets too bad, you can record it, go to a solicitor and have him removed from the marital home. I know this may seem extreme at the moment but believe me when the gloves come off he will destroy you if he can. My ex assaulted me and was removed by the police and bailed. It was the best thing for me as I couldn’t see the bigger picture. I was left in the home, to pick myself up. Given the breathing space from his vile games that I needed. A non molestation order may be an option for mental and emotional abuse. Speak to a solicitor X keep all options open. Your mind is telling you it’s dangerous to return home but we seem to over ride these feelings. I don’t mean physical danger necessarily but in my experience the mental cruelty is much more dangerous X take care

[Tuppance]

Thanks lovelies. It’s just I never really know what he is going to say or how he will be so i start getting anxious as soon as he walks through the door. Bearing in mind I felt like (detail removed by Moderator) he called me today and said ‘ oh you sound brighter today, much better’ can I ask you, have I been much better lately? I am trying not to ask you too many questions? All I said was ‘ you are fine’ just didn’t want to go into his behaviour over the phone. It’s the weekends that do all the damage. Why can’t I speak up to him even when he asks me a direct question? I know it’s because the intense conversation that follows is too hard to deal with. God I wish I had a backbone 😔 X*x

[Anonymous]

Hi tuppance. I didn’t ever have the strength to tell him how I felt, even after we were over I couldn’t do it. We are so conditioned to do everything to keep them happy, we find it impossible to speak up cos we know they’ll go mad. He asked you…..but he didn’t want to hear the truth, it was lip service to make it look like he is genuinely concerned about you, I think you know he’s not. Actions speak louder than words. We live in constant fear of triggering their tempers. It’s a living nightmare that we feel we can’t escape. You can do this, you deserve to life an abuse free life. It’s only the past X days I’ve actually stood up to my ex & told him a little of what I really think of him. It was a liberating feeling. Now I’ve changed my phone number so he can’t txt anymore!!! It’s impossible to speak the truth to these men when we live with them, the consequences are too extreme to take the chance.

[Author]

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