I fed up of being called stupid xx

[itmustbemesurely]

I’m fed up of being spoken to like a child, I’m fed up of being called a stroppy b*tch, I’m fed up of being told I’m f*****g stupid. That’s all, I just want to be treated with love and respect. Today I’m sad, today I am crying and he says here we f*****g go again why don’t you listen to me you have got to
change the way you are like I’ve told you too you stupid b*tch

[Anonymous]

As someone who also lives with the constant name calling etc. I totally understand how you feel. it gets you down , he has no right to call you those things but if yours is anything like mine you can protest all you like, they are right you are wrong. You are not any of those things he is a bully and you should not have to change for anyone xx

[Bridget Jones Is Free]

Hi, may I suggest you do what I do in those situations?
Would you be able to go to the toilet pretending you need a wee and lock the door and take the few necessary minutes to take yourself out of the situation? It really works for me, I lock the door, sit on the toilet and then I flush and wash my hands and dry them and then look at myself in the mirror and smile! I clean the sink with the cloth left in the toilet for that purpose and I use the Jiff cream and rinse thoroughly even if the sink is clean. I then dry my hands again and smile once more at my reflection. I then open the door and I go and do something else rather than go back to my husband. He still hasn’t realised what tactic I use but it allows me to escape temporarily and to take a deep breath.
Don’t ever answer him, stay calm and quiet if you feel safe to do so. Don’t rise to him and his garbage words, and know within yourself that you are not what he calls you. Pretend you are someone else looking at him and listening to him and remind yourself of using a strategy to detach immediately, so long as it is safe to do so.
See if it works…I hope you are ok and safe xx BJ

[Serenity]

The constant drip of such words is soul-destroying.

It’s hard not to let it affect you, but it’s important to remember that he’s just projecting on to you. You aren’t stupid, never forget that. He wants to keep you down and to have no confidence so you don’t leave him. I hope one day you do get a chance to.

[Ayanna]

I was treated like that too. It is horrible. Can you get out? Can you leave him?
We are usually more intelligent and what they go on about is pure nonsense. Living like this destroys the mind.

[Suntree]

Could you leave? It is hard to when someone has constantly put you down so you no longer believe yourself or other people when they tell you the opposite from him. And he is using words and triggers from your past doubly hard.

All I will say from my experience is if it has been going on for a while, even with so call breaks where it stops but starts up again, then it will get worse.

Everyone should be treated with respect, how you are being treated is not with respect.

This doesn’t just destroy the mind, it destroys the soul and the body

[Ayanna]

Yes, I am out. I called the police on him twice and he was arrested twice. He tried to kill me.
The abuse got worse over time. It started with the name calling: b… wh.. tr.. wh… and humiliations and how stupid I was regarding very useless situations. In the end he beat me daily, shouted abuse for hours, locked me up, took my money, denied me access to the internet, raped me, injured me … the list goes on …

I got PTSD and lifelong injuries from that, but he could not destroy me.
I am healing.

[godschild]

Hi itmustbemesurely, this is classic abuse name calling to drag you down, and it sounds like he is succeeding, he wants a reaction to make him feel good and see he is affecting you. You do need to try to not let him see any response, Bridget’s actions sound very good to me, go away from him and deal with it behind his back, they have no regard for how much they hurt us at all. They hate tears, mine escalates his abuse if I cry,he mocks or minimises why I ma crying they are horrible and the foul language is to demean us.
Particia Evans has written several book, all very good, she says don’t let them see a reaction, don’t argue back just simply say “nonsence ” or “what ” if he calls you a name or any other simple word that denies what he is saying.
I have taken to saying, ” did I hear you right ”
All we want is to beloved and respected as Women and treated withe compassion and the kindness we deserve, so fully understand how you feel, hugs xxxxx

[itmustbemesurely]

I will try that I think, step away from it – if I cry he ridicules me and mocks me, swears at me right up close to my face and shouts at me. He hasn’t hit me, just pushed me recently. He is really rude to our son, who is close to me and says that he doesn’t like his own Dad and will never ever be like him, he is a good loving boy. Husband says its my fault and he has asked me to change time and time again but says that I don’t ever listen…when I try and say that I’ve told him what I want too he laughs and talks over me changing it to being all about him. Says he can’t cope with my behaviour and threatens to leave but says that I will have nowhere to live as he will sell the house and that he pity’s who ever has to live with me next…..I couldn’t cope on my own, especially with the children as I am a c**p Mum who has no discipline, his words were that ‘I pity you when I leave you, how will you cope, you won’t’ it’s such a one-sided relationship its all about how he feels never me or the children. He ruined a break we had last week with his petulant behaviour, and drinking, my parents even commented how they had seen a different side to him – a selfish arrogant side they didn’t like. Made me feel better but now I am worried they are worried about me. He is rude beyond belief and now is completely manic and full of self grandeur but I know in a few days he will crash down and threaten suicide again, then it’s walking on egg shells for a different reason….he needs help, on so many levels but I don’t know if I can hang around and be there for him…he has to help himself…not sure if you can cure a n********t though…his mother is the same, I blame her for so much of it I really do don’t think she taught much respect for others as is the same as him, thinks she can say what ever she likes in the guise of plain speaking….no it’s not it’s being b****y rude! I’m not sure what to do…..it is abuse though isn’t it….my mind is foggy and emotional

[godschild]

Hi, It most definately is abuse , they nmake us doubt ourselves by telling us what they are , they project it onto us, im told its me not him, they say we are mentally ill etc, what you describe is classic abuse, keep reading on here and posting and what he tells you will be gradually nulified and you will see the truth of his abuse, coming right up to your face, mine has done that.
He has convinced you that you are a c**p mom, you are not, he is trying to wear you down so you dot leave him.
Have yo called WA they may be able to give you a worker to support you and meet up with you in secret but just a chat to them will help you to validate that it is abuse , also a very good book called why does h do that by Lunday Bancroft is a good read that gives alot of insight to how their minds work and examples of different abuse take care xxxx

[godschild]

PS I would change your name to its definately him !!!!!

[Lilycat]

Hi ItMustBeMeSurely,

Welcome to the team of smart and dignified women who are subject to abuse from insecure individuals who are projecting all their fears about what people say about them upon someone else.

I hope that you can draw strength from the fact that people never call worthless and truly bad people bad names and bully them. They like people with character and lots going for them, because the former would cause them no envy or resentment whatsoever.

I was periodically mocked and derided for dressing like a man (trouser suit) and on some days dressing like tart, to work (2 ins kitten heels with trouser suit); being too good at sport (because apparently that triggers other people’s mental health problems); being a bad cook that cooked things that tasted like an aquarium; too posh but from an ethnic minority so too pathetic and in need of saving; too clever and simultaneously too thick. Can you see how silly all of this is? These people have hatched from the same smelly little egg. Eew.

I wish you strength and the presence of truthful and empathetic individuals who will remind you of your many good points and support you back to self-belief and away from this abusive and despicable individual.

Lilycat x

[Ayanna]

Hi Lilycat, keep dressing in suits and show the men who the boss is 🙂

[Lilycat]

Cheers, for that Ayanna. Actually the abuser who said that was female. They had gender issues and would criticise me for being too male or too female, even though my mannerisms and dress sense were completely constant

[itmustbemesurely]

I feel so sorry for him actually, really I do. To think that it’s ok to speak to another person like that is so crazy…..why does he think it’s ok? His friends have distanced themselves from him. the only people he sees are those who hang out around the bar he frequents every night of the week. Nobody calls to see him….he is turning into his mother god help me! Seriously though I swing from being a shadow of myself to ignoring him and getting on with it being a strong independent women! But I know that I will be crying myself to sleep again tonight when he is drunk and starts excusing me of whatever he wants to do…..having an affair, looking at another man, flirting, lying, being stroppy, being moody, being stupid, swearing at me and making me feel worthless….ignoring him is the best sometimes, but others makes him too angry

[shirley]

Hi. Yes its exhausting. A relative visited briefly and asked if he s being abusive and i shouldn t put up with it. I said why was he saying things about me. He said no but the way he speaks to me was out of order. I become desensatized and try to ignore it. He s either a limpet and all over me wants me to sit with him while he watches anything he wants too. REALLY i feel like a captive or he s telling me i m stupid and swareing at me. He no longer hurts me physically but sat says things in a jokey mannor do what i say or i ll knock u around a bit??!! Its really not funny. But he s ill but ignores all my advise. I ve got him 24/7. Well not quite as i can leave the housenow and don t have to hide my car keys. Just so exhausing. And nothing ever gets done.because i m always wrong /stupid. It feels like pergutory. Maybe excagurating.
But i feel for all you ladies
Best shirly

[itmustbemesurely]

thanks so much for your kind words of support, I’ve shared some of the texts he sent me over the weekend with my sister, she is gobsmacked and says that he is out of order. He is a selfish man, our son was going away for the first time and I have paid for everything, sorted it all out and given him spending money as he couldn’t afford it yet he has spent all weekend in the pub wasting money…I said that I thought his behaviour was selfish and also said that I was concerned about his drinking, that I thought it was a problem, he went off…to the pub leaving the house in a right mess for me to clean saying he couldn’t put up with me that I am stupid, judgemental, nasty, a vile b***h. He couldn’t stand me and why should he stay married to someone who treated him like that, he had to get away from me……he didn’t even come to wave his son off…..he drank four pints, half a bottle of wine and two cans of lager….on his own that suggests to me it’s a problem, but its not fair to blame me. he says that he has to drink because of the way I am. He is taking money lying to his parents saying that it’s for the children it isn’t, he is telling them he needs it for food/uniform/trips/holidays but it isn’t……he is bankrupt so his Dad is helping get his business on track….but he is being dishonest..I have seen the emails! Should I tell them….I snooped and shouldn’t have but it is a serious problem and I am really scared

[shirley]

Hi. Itmustbemesurely
The ladies r right. He s projecting and may not even realise. Alchaholism is an illness. It sounds like you are in a really vulnerable situation doing all u can. His debt becomes your debt unless u can get a financial seperation. Sorry to be dramatic but i think one option would be to seperate. I don t think u can help alcaholics. They only change when they hit rock bottom if then.i would get some support /advise. His parents think they r helping. I think the abuse goes with the territory. U have to prioratise yourself and child. Only u can decide what may be best course of action. Its horrible situation to be in. But thinking of u
Best wishes
Shirly

[itmustbemesurely]

I know I can’t help him Shirley, really I can’t and I am so angry that we – me and the children – are in such a vulnerable situation because of his spending, not only is he bankrupt but he is in arrears with the mortgage – this is the only thing that is in both of our names, I have minimal debt and manage my money – even though now I have taken on board paying for so much more because he can’t…..he really has let us down. This is on top of him being abusive….there I’ve said it….last night it was because I didn’t want to have @@@ he said that there were plenty of women who do want him, plenty if I don’t, what the f’ck is wrong with you, you have no life in you, you are no fun, my phone bleeps its whose messaging you…don’t lie to me….just you see what happens to you when I leave….you are so boring….he really is vile to me, yet it is he who has done this to our family xxxx I have recorded him.. I am a stroppy miserable b***h who is always on his case and I am getting him down…FFS really it’s odd because as much as I don’t want to be with him I don’t want him to be with anyone else and I don’t think I will ever find another person either, am scared of being alone I guess but at the same time feel so low that I know it can not go on the way it is xxxx sorry to waffle on

[Author]

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