I feel different

[Footballfan1]

I think I’ve come through the trauma.
It’s strange, less than 2 weeks ago, I went through what I think is called the overwhelm.
I didn’t know what it was at first.
I felt like I had been hit by a car.
I’ve just been reading about trauma recovery.
I think perhaps when I felt really poorly, it was my recovery starting and completing.

I had finally grieved what happened.
Thought in detail about it.
Then accepted it.
I was so exhausted and out of sorts after.
But the last few days, I feel clear headed, peaceful, calm, it’s almost like meditation.
I’m wondering if it was my body letting go of the trauma.
I feel happy for no reason.
I keep looking at the beautiful nature around me, trees, birds etc.
I feel so connected and centred.
I haven’t felt like this for years, not even on my good days.
Kids and work and life, just feel straightforward.
Not stressful and complicated.
I’ve been good decisions, I feel like I’m thinking quickly whereas I had been really indecisive and unsure.
It has helped that ex hasn’t been in contact at all.
I’m hoping I can carry on with this clarity and calm.
I’m hoping when I have to have contact in the future, I don’t get triggered and go backwards.
The kids have been opening up to me daily about their trauma, we discuss the issues and I reassure them that everything will work out OK.
I tell them it is natural to feel afraid, and worried.
We are moving forwards.
Lots more laughing and joy.
We are getting out more because the weather’s picking up.
Xx

[Twisted Sister]

Oh this is amazing to hear, and clearly its amazing to feel this way.

Please don’t think you ever have to have contact in any form with him again unless you are totally sure he won’t set you back, your life is valuable to you, and to your children.

You sound so positive and maybe you can arrange things so that you don’t need to have any contact with him in the future. You have managed this because you have felt safe, and had time without him. You and your children need this to continue, as they are now processing it all too.

Thank you for sharing such a positive experience in your journey forward.

warmest wishes

ts

[Footballfan1]

Thanks TwistedSister,

You speak the truth.
I have court dates to attend, he will be there.
It will be hard to deal with but I feel confident.
I can have a screen between us.
He has no contact with the kids for now, but I’m sure that will change in the future.
I will have to figure out a way to deal with it.
I have a solicitor trained in domestic abuse and she has been good.

[Twix]

So happy to read this! You’ve come such a long way & you can really feel the change in you, in what you’ve written.
It’s so reassuring to hear from the other side & to know that with time things do improve.
Well done on every ounce of happiness you’ve achieved- you deserve it!x

[Footballfan1]

Thanks Twix,

There really is hope for us all.
We all deserve happiness.
Thank you for all your support and TwistedSister, and everyone else.
I wouldn’t be where I am without all of you xx

[nbumblebee]

This has brought tears to my eyes Im so glad you are finding peace and understanding.
You deserve to be happy sweetie you really do. Im so happy to read this.
Much love n hugs xxxxx

[Footballfan1]

Thankyou Nbumblebee,

You have let me rant and vent so much and gave me support and kindness.

We all deserve peace and fulfillment.

Less than 2 weeks ago, I was googling things like broken brain and am I having a mental breakdown.
Without doing much, my brain has shifted.
X

[nbumblebee]

Always here sweetie always you are increadabke never ever forget that.xxxxx

[Blankcanvas]

This is such a positive read

It gives me hope

Xx

[Footballfan1]

Hi Blankcanvas,

There is hope for us all.
We are such a support for each other, we can lean on each other and have wobbles without fear of being judged.

I believe the only way to heal is 0 contact with the abuser, and even then, it has taken me months after the last contact to get to this point.

We all deserve happiness.
We need to be bold and grab at freedom, no feeling bad for our abuser.

Lots of things have clicked in place for me, one thing is that they do not have any empathy for us or their children.
If they cry, it’s either crocodile tears or self pity.
They do not feel love, warmth or kindness.
We hang on for too long because we can’t comprehend anyone lacking those feelings.
They feed off our empathy, warmth, kindness.
We deserve so much more than having that all sucked out of us like a vampire.
Xx

[Twitcher]

Hi Footballfan1,

I feel so much happiness reading about your calmness and positivity. I like you feel as though I’ll never be the same mentally as he led me to rock bottom. You show me so much hope that we can be the real us again, the kind, lovely, thoughtful women they destroyed. You mention crying and I don’t think I’ve ever seen my husband cry, he says he (detail removed by moderator) but maybe it’s just what abusers do. It amazes me every new trait i hear they use. You and your children deserve someone giving you the world, unconditionally and not fear. You will get to find your happiness, new horizons and better days lovely x*x and a big hug to you

[Footballfan1]

Hi Twitcher,

Thank you for your support.
I feel like we are all bonded on this forum, though the trauma we have all endured.

You already are the real you.
Your kindness, compassion shines through your posts.
You are lovely and thoughtful.
Your traits never left you, you just didn’t sense them throughout all your trauma.
They were still there though, shining through and other people saw them even if you didn’t.

Your right about the tears.
They either don’t produce them, or bring them up on demand.

I struggled for a long time because my ex was very good at producing the tears.
They looked genuine and my heart broke everytime.
Eventually, when I started to hold back from him, he suddenly changed to anger.
I can see now, for years, I gave in instantly when he cried, gave him what he wanted.
As soon as I started hesitating, ge blew up like a volcano and that is when the physical stuff begun xx

[MrsTurtle]

Its so lovely to read this. I remember when i recognised that feeling of happiness and calm; It was lockdown and I was stood in the queue outside Tesco. I realised I felt “happy” and was stood there smiling like a fool. I’m even further along now but that inner happiness has never left me. Its grown and flourished and I look back to who I once was, and the life I once lived and its like it happened to someone else. I was a shadow of me.

I hope you continue on this positive road and whatever happens just remember – you have found the strength and light within you for yourself and your children. You’re a warrior!

[Footballfan1]

Hi MrsTurtle,

Thankyou for your reply.
I’m so happy to hear that your positive experience grew and flourished.
You are an inspiration to all that endure domestic abuse.
My feeling has stayed with me and without doing much, it has extended to the children.
They are so happy, tranquil, funny and amazing.
Different children than when we were in the middle of domestic abuse.
Thankyou for sharing , it has helped me understand that we can conquer the bad.
X*x

[Author]

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