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I’m just lost, so lost, don’t know what to do. Should I take him back? Would it be easier that putting up with the torment, but I guess I know deep down the torment from texts at the moment will change to me not meeting his expectations in the relationship if we were to “try again”. We have been together a long time and have kids which obviously make it trickier. There are days I doubt the abuse, but then there are days that I’m certain that I know that it is abuse. He isn’t going to change. I would be the one to have to give in to what he wants. I’ve given him everything, like everything and have nothing left to give. WOndering do I try get someone of his family to talk to him to just give me some peace. As he’s not giving me any. I can’t see a way of escaping. I tried a few times to end it and this time said I just need a break. I’m not ready to say I’m finished completely. I think its scared of his reaction. It’s not that he is being reasonable now, but I fear if I say I’m fully done without “trying” again, he will dig his heels in. He has threatened before about fighting me for everything.
DO I meet him for an hour for a drink or a coffee or a walk and see how that goes? I can’t see it going anyway but my skin crawling. One of kids has big day coming up that will be a family day and I just wanted to get to that but his torment is increasing so that’s not looking likely either. He’s obviously not even thinking of her day, just of poor him and that he’s the victim at the moment again.
I just feel there will never be a way to get away fully or escape him, so do I give in to be unhappy and let him back. Then even if I did that I’d probably never manage to get him out again.
I know solicitor has said not to worry about his threats, but that’s easy for everyone else to say. I’m the one with the beaten down mind. I’m the only one who can do this. And right now I feel I’ve done so much to get this far I don’t know how to keep going.I’m waffling alot now I know. I don’t know who or what can help me, but just needed to try clear some of this out of my head. Not sure if I wrote a book would it ever clear my head enough though
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What would you say to me?
Ive i had finally left and was thinking of going back what woild you say?
I know you would tell me no.
Ypu would say that you have been so strong to leave to see the abuse and yes you doubt it at times but deep down you know its there you know you cant go back.
Sometimes what we know is easier to face than the unknown. Its so scarey on your own i can imagine so lonley and frightening a new life after a long time in an abusive relationship boy thats huge and will take time to get used too and the fact that hes still hurting you dpesnt help but it wont be forever look how far youve come.
What did you do last night?
Me i had to fight off my husband (detail removed by moderator). Do you really wanna go back to this life?
You are stronger than you believe sweetie give yourself time be proud of you. You can do this x*x -
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Can you turn the phone off and as hard as it is, not reply to the texts? Make any communication factual about the kids or times etc only? I’m not pretending this is easy it really really isn’t, they sink those hooks in deep but maybe reread your post as if someone else had written it – it’s clear how unhappy you are with him, how much you don’t want to go back. Like you say he won’t make the child’s day special, he’ll let you down or make it about him and kids feel these things too. What would help to stop you going back? xx
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Thanks @bananaboat I appreciate your reply and that’s really good advice and good questions too. I’ll re-read the post and see how I go. I’m hoping to speak to my social worker today too. So that might help also.
I’ve put everyone else first for so long, it’s so hard to realise I matter too, especially as he never acknowledges that. I really need to work on asserting myself better.
i told him (detail removed by moderator) Nothing is ever enough.Thank you.
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