I feel like I’m the problem and financially is this abuse

[Chocolatebunnie]

So I’ve been on here for years, things have settled down

I’m a SAHM and although I have child benefits and a few other small incomes he gets a big wage

I’m struggling been using credit cards

he gives me x amount a week for food and he pays most bills, then I pay some bills and top up the food bill.

I have to ask for help for things when my money is run out, it’s tight all the time for me.

he buys beer weed expensive clothes aftershave and is living well, I need new bras, clothes etc. but have no money. The kids do ok he buys them stuff but our home is disgusting it’s depressing me and he’s the one with the money, it’s run down and he doesn’t want spend on the home (partly because he reminds me I wanted to separate some years ago and doesn’t want to invest)

there was a point when my income was greater and I paid most bills. He was able to save, with a view to us getting a deposit and when we split up he hid the money, he now says it’s spent because I don’t work and he’s had to pay bills.

I wish I could work but my mental health is bad, kids have additional needs and I have a few other reasons, besides I’m already worn out and would get no help from him. I also think he would sit back and take advantage of me financially as I’m a soft touch

I would like to retrain but means I’d have to fund it myself

I feel I’m stuck

he moaned about the mess in the house (going through a stressful time and yes it was a bomb site) and he referenced my mental health issues I felt he was bringing very unkind.

is this normal? I just can’t think straight

[Lisa]

Hi Chocolatebunnie,

Yes, this is financial abuse. He’s deliberately keeping you short of money to give himself power and control over you. He has plenty to buy himself luxuries while you’re struggling to cover essentials, like food and bills, and can’t afford necessities, like clothes and things for the home. He knows that he’s doing this and does it on purpose. It isn’t normal. You might find the information on the Surviving Economic Abuse website helpful in understanding more about what he’s doing and ways you might protect yourself.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Chocolatebunnie]

Thank you Lisa

[Chocolatebunnie]

Lisa he thinks I should get a job

He keeps referencing how it would mean we cud do more, saying we would be much better off and I now he resents being the only earner, he’s right too

I’m not sure how I would cope he doesn’t help around the home except at weekends if he chooses to so I would be working doing it all and my heath isn’t great I’m not that young either

plus childcare I would be organising and I bet paying for

I just can’t see how I would do it?

he thinks I’m lazy and I guess I am. It feels impossible to work but it’s maintaining the ability to work and juggle it all. I’ve failed in the past due my mental health so I’ve lost confidence

[Author]

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