I feel like I’ve missed out on so much

[Put the kettle on]

I got into an abusive relationship very young and stayed for a long long time. We’ve been separated for quite some time now

Now I’m feeling like I missed out on so much, I couldn’t have friends, I was isolated from family. I didn’t get to go out on girls nights out, didn’t have friends round for a meal or girlie night in, we didn’t travel/go on holidays. I couldn’t wear makeup or do my hair nice. I was restricted on my clothing.

I’ll be honest I’m jealous of women who know how to do their hair and makeup, I’m jealous of people who go on vacation and have family and friends round them. My family are gone now and I’ve made a few friends but I don’t feel close to any of them.  Days can go by and I don’t speak to another person.

I have quite bad anxiety for many years even though I’m out of the relationship and it prevents me doing stuff still. I feel like I’m just a boring person who nobody really likes. I have a child and that’s the only reason I keep going.

[Lisa]

Hi Put the kettle on,

I’m so sorry that you’re still feeling the impact of the abuse you experienced in these ways. That feeling of missing out sounds really painful. The psychological damage of abuse can take time to heal, you’re not alone in that. You might find the resource available on the Bloom website helpful. They were created in partnership between mental health professionals and survivors with a focus on healing from trauma. Anxiety can be so limiting. If you haven’t already, it might be worth reaching out to your GP or looking up your local NHS Talking Therapies service to see what support is available. It isn’t too late to start learning skills you feel you’ve missed out on and finding things that interest you. You deserve to have a full life.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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