I feel like I’ve missed out on so much

[Put the kettle on]

I got into an abusive relationship very young and stayed for a long long time. We’ve been separated for quite some time now

Now I’m feeling like I missed out on so much, I couldn’t have friends, I was isolated from family. I didn’t get to go out on girls nights out, didn’t have friends round for a meal or girlie night in, we didn’t travel/go on holidays. I couldn’t wear makeup or do my hair nice. I was restricted on my clothing.

I’ll be honest I’m jealous of women who know how to do their hair and makeup, I’m jealous of people who go on vacation and have family and friends round them. My family are gone now and I’ve made a few friends but I don’t feel close to any of them.  Days can go by and I don’t speak to another person.

I have quite bad anxiety for many years even though I’m out of the relationship and it prevents me doing stuff still. I feel like I’m just a boring person who nobody really likes. I have a child and that’s the only reason I keep going.

[Lisa]

Hi Put the kettle on,

I’m so sorry that you’re still feeling the impact of the abuse you experienced in these ways. That feeling of missing out sounds really painful. The psychological damage of abuse can take time to heal, you’re not alone in that. You might find the resource available on the Bloom website helpful. They were created in partnership between mental health professionals and survivors with a focus on healing from trauma. Anxiety can be so limiting. If you haven’t already, it might be worth reaching out to your GP or looking up your local NHS Talking Therapies service to see what support is available. It isn’t too late to start learning skills you feel you’ve missed out on and finding things that interest you. You deserve to have a full life.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[songbird1]

Hi put the kettle on,

I wanted to share some encouragement and give you some of these 🤗🤗🤗

I was also with my partner from a young age and I’ve lost some friendships that meant the world to me, due to the psychological abuse and the making it difficult to nurture any other relationship. It’s so heartbreaking, at the time I didn’t see it happening but I look back now and grieve for the missed opportunities of my youth.

I am actually still with my partner and things have been so up and down. However its still possible, I have been mentally preparing myself for a while now and prioritise my life, relationships and interests so that I feel whole again. It took a lot of re-learning and research on how the abuse has affected me, speaking to people on here and reading similar stories, reaching out online anonymously and gradually opening up to people i can trust about what’s been happening.

 

It’s never easy and different for everyone, but I believe in you. Reach out anonymously at first, join online groups or forums like this one. Consider a therapist, someone who can make you feel heard. Invest time in you, find out what you love, spend time doing those things, find groups or communities that love those things too and form connections with people that value you for you are, in all your beauty ❤️

 

I don’t often comment on threads but I felt like I get what you’re going through,and it’s so hard to break those negative feelings about yourself, but there are people out there who like you, for who you are x

[Author]

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