I feel ridiculous

[Turnthelighsoff]

So, Iv been speaking to my local DA charity. I have a plan to leave. But really I feel like a fake. He doesn’t beat me or hurt me. There are people who are really suffering and I feel like I’m taking a resource away from somebody who needs it. Yes he shouts, I walk on egg shells and he doesn’t help me financially- but he pays for holidays so I feel I should be more greatful?
I get so confused like he’s fine with me now and it makes me think it’s all in my head. Am I uprooting the kids when it’s just me cracking up?

Dealing with housing is exhausting and i shake at the thought of him finding out.

[Lisa]

Hello,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Domestic abuse is not just physcial- any form of abuse is unacceptable. Domestic abuse is about power and control and you mentioned you are walking on eggshells.

you mentioned he pays for holidays- sometimes the “good aspects” in an abusive relationship are part of the pattern of the abuse- it makes you doubt yourself and traps you in the relationship. You are not obliged to be grateful for this when he is being abusive towards you.

The fact you are shaking at thought of him finding out- listen to that feeling. you are not a fake and entitled to that support as much as anyone else.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[nbumblebee]

If it hurts you if it affects your life if it makes you shake as you say then it hurts you.
You should never compare your hurt your pain to anyone else what you feel is real and that needs addressing. You have as much right to help as anyone sweetie.
The good times that doubt is all part of it. If they were horrible to us all of the time we would see sooner act sooner and leave sooner.
Keep taking those steps sweetie.
Stay safe xx

[Mellow]

I felt totally like this when I was ready to leave in the end he left but I was then offered housing as I had to leave anyway due to another reason as it was through the council a lot of people were shocked that I got one which made me feel even worse like I wasn’t worthy of it.i even felt bad moving in despite everything what happened at this point I was actually becoming homeless and still felt unworthy.i think it’s because we are so used to trying to do things on our own when support is their we feel over privileged but I realised I’ve been through so much compared to others and when I speak to people they can’t relate to my situation it’s been that bad at the same time I dealt with a parent dying.and have multiple children.you have a right to everything or someone would not give it to you.my ex did not beat me either there was a few runnings but very few out of the whole relationship when I look back I can’t believe I put up with it so long and I think how evil he was to put me through it .mainly emotional just an example of things I had constant chatting to other women in my face !
Obvious phone calls to other women in my face !
Instagram snooping!
Hiding my belongings !
Walking on egg shells!
Making up random arguments I knew I didn’t start!
Financial abuse !not paying utilities
Pregnancy abuse!(yes he trapped me purposely he knew he had no intention staying with me )
(detail removed by Moderator) making excuses to leave the house.
Your entitled to what you get don’t feel bad

[Author]

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