I feel very weak

[Ariel]

I have recognised that some of what my partner does is not right. I was in an abusive relationship before and this one was supposed to be my happy ending.
He’s not violent but he’s a shouter/screamer. He goes from happy to screaming in probably a minute to two minutes.
We keep deciding to break up because we have been arguing alot but when it gets final I start begging for him to come back.
It’s usually he’s done something so I end it and then I change my mind.
I keep thinking he’s going to change like get a permanent job, stop staying out at his mates and just start being responsible.
He has a problem with my sons as they don’t trust him at all and they don’t have any respect for him because they see him as lazy and sponging.
Every time I get back with him I’m excited for a day then all the thoughts keep coming and all the doubt.
Don’t really know what to do. I feel very emotionally weak when it comes to him.

[Lisa]

Hello Ariel,

Thank you for sharing this – your concerns are completely valid. It’s not okay for your partner to shout or scream at you, this sounds really intimidating and the fact that it escalates so quickly, or is unpredictable/sudden, must make you feel as if you are walking on eggshells at times. It sounds distressing for you.

I imagine it is difficult for you to be between your sons and partner in this way as well. As I’m sure you are aware, creating problems between us and our children is one way that abusive men will attempt to isolate us from others so this is also concerning. It sounds like you’re feeling quite stuck.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Anonymous]

Dear Aries,

You’re not weak at all. Leaving an abusive person is really difficult and there are probably a lot of things pulling you towards that person. You don’t need to make a decision right now about what you’re going to do, just take one day at a time.

Take care x

[Author]

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