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I hate weekends… the tension in my brain about what all is going to go wrong, calculating and minimising fallout…it’s exhausting 🙁 That is all. I just needed to scream that out into the ether…If I could I imagine me shouting from a hilltop somewhere across, so it echoed. When people say – “doing anything nice for the weekend?’ – that’s the killer, because weekends are never nice. I just want them over.
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@swan123
I can completely relate, I dislike weekends 🙁 I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed a weekend or looked forward to it, hes off on weekends and I just dread it, the tension , the atmosphere, the bad feeling , walking on eggshells 🙁 I listen to my work colleagues talking about their partners booking caravan holidays for them or a little camping break, I hear the stories of how much fun it was, that they walked, had a bbq, lay on the beach, it all sounds so laid back easy going and I feel sad because I want that . I know I keep moaning about my situation but im seriously trauma bonded, started counselling sadly didn’t go well and I just feel stuck. Its a horrid feeling how I became this low, this under confident I dont know 🙁 -
Weekends are just a time when I am stuck with my husband for even more time than during the week (he has been working since (detail removed by Moderator) and no sign of him going back to the office). I can’t relax in my own house. I try to be out as much as I can, seeing family and friends but that is quite exhausting. I have started divorce proceedings so there is an end in sight but it seems interminable right now.
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Yes. Well for me its not weekends as that’s not when we’re both at home. But days off, even half days off. I had a holiday booked from work, it lasted one day before I was calling my employer to go back early.
Like the rest of you, its exhausting, even if nothing happens its the anxiety, the being on edge.
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thank you all for talking… I don’t feel alone in that feeling I know. The problem is my work is based at home. He won’t be back to his office for months by the looks of it. I had hoped to go and see my folks at some point but they’re locked down, so another weekend stuck. He is staying out of my way this week – I said I wanted to leave him, so he’s doing everything he can to stop that from happening…including ‘keeping the peace’…but actually its just as uncomfortable – a quiet presence that I’m supposed to be grateful for considering how its been…but all I feel is unease. This is that period, he’s desperate for me to say something to fix it all…I’m not doing it.I have to change the habits…even the smallest ones. Hang in there girls – we will have got through another weekend…we are nearly there…just waiting for Monday morning for someone to ask me on the school run: “nice weekend?’…and I will just say as I always do “Yes thanks…didn’t do much…” xx
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Hi @swan123
The weekend is nearly over , im back to work tommorow and just can’t wait to get out of the house . Its an awful thing wanting to wish the days away 🙁 but thats how it makes us feel isn’t it. Ive also told my husband I’m not happy and last week he was all trying to keep the peace like your partner but this weekend the mask slipped and back to saying hurtful things so I know he will never change. I try to stay out as long as possible walking but like others have said its exhausting and tiring, the past few months I honestly Feel ive aged a few years 🙁 I dont even recognise myself when I look in the mirror , my sparkle has gone and I feel so so bad because I get so snappy and irate over little things that never used to bother me in the past, things like road rage before I’d let it go over my head now im just anxious and angry and it makes me so sad as I feel its me who has the problem .
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@beautifulday – tears in my eyes…because I am ‘with’ all you say. I don’t recognise myself…I too have become irritated and snappy. I am ashamed to say there are numerous ‘holes’ in the walls (that terrible thin plasterboard stuff) because I’ve banged the wall so hard…such has been my own internal anger. It’s only until fairly recently I have pieced together the fact I have felt so trapped for so long…I was just wanting to break down walls, to get out. But alas I’m still here…He is ‘going to therapy’ tomorrow for himself – a gesture that he has never extended until I threatened to leave. I wait with baited breath..the mask will slip off – but at least I can tell my kids I gave him all the chances I could possibly give…I always live in hope…but I am doubtful, and that saddens me to say that. Walking, running, nature are the blessings that have kept me going and breathing… sending hugs to you and thank you for sharing xx
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@Swan123
I honestly thought I had developed an anger problem or there was something wrong with me then I thought to myself was I like this before I met him? And the answer was no! I was happy go lucky, was single for a good while enjoying life, going on trips with friends, i was so chilled and just happy ,gradually I have become this person I dont recognise its awful to say but I dont 🙁 I think my family have noticed how touchy I have become , I also worry over everything! Small silly things and my Mother will ask why I’m worrying over such a trivial thing, I constantly have to know what’s happening regarding plans for things such as family meals etc ive become obsessed with planning somewhat ocd and I think this stems from being told by him in the past im lazy or unorganised which I wasn’t but I think subconsciously ive developed this behaviour to show that I’m not lazy and not unorganised. . I used to be able to sit and watch films relaxed and now I find I pick the skin on the side of my nails or I just cant concentrate, I heard a bang the other day jumped out of my skin so ive become jumpy and nervy too. I want the old me back the life and soul of the party 🙁 I’m sending you lots of strength lovely you are so strong xx -
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