I have involved the police now. Please help me.

[tavarish]

Hello,

I have left this hell I was living in and asked him the divorce. It took me a while; it was really hard for me to acknowledge I was suffering abuse and I thought he could change. The worse thing he did was that I was coerced into having sex; he opened my legs aggressively after repeatedly telling him to stop. He also pushed me to the sofa; pushed one of my boobs; and also he started to pushing and shoving me in front of people. He made me feel miserable and always told me that I should be grateful that I married him. I just couldn’t handle it anymore and I left. He kept sending me horrible messages after, for over a year. I asked him the divorced and also I asked him to send my things and I found out he and his family have thrown them away.

Also, I reported him to the police for sexual assault, after leaving and now that I am a little bit calmer and the divorced processed has finished. I want to continue with the report, the police have asked me for screenshots confirming what happened. I do have those saved on my computer. I am scared to continue, I am scared the family will attack me. I know reporting him is the right thing to do but I am very sad we have come to this.

Please I would really thank you if you could give me some advice on how to act and how to proceed. I have never been in such a situation before.

[Anonymous]

I think you are oh so brave and determined to come this far. And I understand your concern. I would share what you have with the police because you are high risk. So I would be all in after coming this far. Most of these people are bullies and this is definitely happening to you with him and his family. Do you have a safe place to stay now? Does he know where you are? Do you have an injunction against him? You need one if you do not. You should have had an escort from the police or someone in order to go and get your stuff. I’m surprised they didn’t advise you that this could be done. You would have had to be quick about it but they could have gone with you. To me, I think you should have a reasonable amount of time to get your stuff out under the circumstances. So nice they threw it out! Grrrr…. Anyways, it’s just stuff and trust me, you can start over again. I’ve done that a few times.

The sexual assault is a very very ugly thing to do to anyone. Not okay. It’s called marital rape and the laws have changed in the last 20 years so now we have to make them actually abide by those laws in court and not make it impossible to get something done to the perpetrator either. I mean they either do mean business with these new laws and stiff penalties or they don’t. To me I think we should press them on it, don’t you? Ask to speak to a female police officer preferably in the sexual crimes division.

You really are quite brave. I know you are shaking now but it’s always this way at this point in the road. Just be determined and yet wise. Take a deep breath and just follow through. I well imagine he’s not just raping you……..quite sure there are others and most likely have been others in his past.

[tavarish]

Dear Braelynn,
Thanks a lot for your message. It makes me feel better and much calmer. I have left I am not at giving anyone my address. I feel safe. You are right, I should pursue that. I should get specific advice on how I can describe this situation better. I will take into consideration your advice. I just want this to be over.
Thanks again.

[Wiseafter]

I think you have incredible courage and show steely determination tavarish, you are so brave to stand up to this weak bully. I think you could accomplish anything you set your mind to. Ditto to Braelynn re: the injunction. There should be one in place first before you do anything. Keep notes, records of everything. Why are you frightened of being attacked? Have they threatened you? Do the police know about this harassment and fear you have? Write and journal everything and get facts and take steps to protect yourself before you take any further action. Others may have gone through something similar and can give you practical support but I don’t have that experience. I just know you need to be safe and secure first as priorities. I also believe in getting the facts so speak to professionals about the process and what to expect and write it down to help take the emotion out of it so you can make fully informed decisions based on the power of knowledge, not fear. I wish you well.

[tavarish]

Dear Wiseafter,

Thanks a lot for your message. Yes, I will push to get one when I get legal advice. I am very far now, so he can’t come and he doesn’t know my address or anything. I do have screenshots and I have wrote a journal about what happened, would that be useful to show the police?
Well, when I asked for the divorce I was going to ask it for unreasonable behavior; and his dad called me and told me that things can be very ugly for me. I was shocked because it was not me who those things; he tried to intimidate me. I decided to divorced on the separation ground, so I don’t have to deal with that now; and I don’t have to put my family and me under an ugly divorce process. So, I am afraid they will turn things against me to protect him again. You are right, I will get more advice on professionals. Thanks a lot.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know what the laws are where you are but if you can record someone without them consenting, every time you get a call like this just push record on your phone. I often tell women to use their phones to record things. It’s usually close to you so why not? If you can use it, then use it. If not then you can play it for yourself when you think you’re going mad and think Oh No, I’m spot on about him!

[Author]

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