I just want to cry

[Pillowcrier]

I finally left and reported him to the police but I feel so much guilt for possibly ruining him. But I’m realising the man I loved isn’t real. I can’t believe I wanted to have a marriage and family with a character. My family and work are supportive but I just want to breakdown and scream. First my n********t mother hurt me and now the man I loved. What have I done to deserve this??? Does anyone else ever just want to cry but can’t? I don’t know if I’m just in aftershock because it’s so recent or if I’m trying to protect myself.

[Lisa]

Hi Pillowcrier,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post. I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be with others who understand.

You haven’t done anything that deserves what you’ve been through, none of this is your fault. Things sound really overwhelming right now and it’s totally normal to feel the way that you are. Guilt can be a big factor, but what you did was what you needed to do to protect yourself and it wouldn’t have been necessary were he not abusive. The responsibility lies with him.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service. They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you.

Take care and keep posting,

Lisa
(Forum Moderator)

[Better-days]

I hope you are ok. What youv done takes huge bravery so be proud that you have done this. I can’t imagine how u must be feeling. Like yourself there’s days I just cry thinking how on earth have I allowed myself to be here. Iv got great friends group I know they think im stupid for putting up with him if only they knew. No matter how many people you have close to u it’s still so lonely as no one understands unless they have been or are going through it. A day at a time hunni big hugs x

[Author]

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