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After a month or 2 of him making a massive effort, he’s flipped once again and showing his true colours and temperament. He’d been making a massive effort with the children, the nicest he’s ever been, as he knew he was starting to lose us. He was trying to be nice to me, the usual nice messages when he’s away etc. But all the get his own way.
So thus weekend, it’s back to every word that I say is wrong, every sentence, every thought, the way I say it, I should think before he comes back about how I’m going to talk to him and what I’m going to say…. He was talking to me like a child, but worse, or like a bad boss with an employee, he’s back to being mr important.
I knew it would happen, I don’t want to be with him. But it totally confuses the children. I was trying to just get through Christmas but now it’s all up in the air and he’s told one of them he probably won’t be here at Christmas and then they’ve just had to go to school! How cruel and selfish!
It’s because he’s feeling unloved and put out. We were meant to discuss Christmas and kids gifts etc, now I have no idea but that’s what he wants – he wants control over the situation and to call every shot, to have a strop when he feels like it and then expecgvitvto be forgotten. He wants me to worry all week while he’s away and then feel sorry for himself and say it’s all my fault.
Right. I’ve had a rant, all done! Thank goodness for WA and for all of you. Now I need to sit and work out how to please him when he comes come and watch every word I say – NOT! Certainly thinks he’s the king if the castle and I should fall at his feet.
I know he will get worse, I just wanted the kids to have a pleasant Christmas. But whatever happens, I’ll do my best for them and try to shelter them as usual. They don’t deserve to be in the middle of this. At least he’s shown himself again as exactly how and who he is. -
It’s really sad when they use their children. All he is doing is using the thing that hurts you most. It’s become your normal but it will have a lasting detrimental effect on you children. Imagine going to school thinking your dad won’t be home at Christmas because he told you this. The hurt and pain only to find he’s done it simply to upset you. This is what they do and while you’re with him it will carry on and even get worse. Christmas is an abusers fairytale. You’re trapped with him, there’s alcohol, plenty to make you feel bad about how you haven’t kept up his expectations. My ex was filling my sons head with absolute rubbish about me. All these things he was actually doing. Cheating, stealing money. You can bet he’s bad mouthing you to your children. Planting the see that it’s all your fault. I hope you’re having support from women’s aid. I know how hard it is but once it’s so obviously affecting them, it’s really time to make a move x
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Hi, you can see right through this man which is a plus. He sounds like he has some growing up to do. Unfortunately the longer things are left the more damaging it can be for the kids. I worry for my oldest one that the damage is irreversible. She’s pretty screwed up just now. KIP is right it’s time to get out with all the support there. You sound really strong. Hard place to be especially at this time of year. X*x sending a hug and support DIY
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Hi ladies. Thank you for your replies. I kn8w he’s using the kids and being utterly selfish. He’s feeling sorry for himself and trying to get control of things by being cruel and harsh.
I have support from WA, have just finished the freedom program. I know I need to get out, or rather, it should be him so that the children don’t have to leave their home.
J don’t think he understands feelings a part from negative ones and doesn’t think of the im9afg of this on the children. Using anything he can to regain control but it has the opposite effect.
I really need to sort this after Christmas. I feel stupid for pretending that I would give us one last try. In my head I knew I couldn’t and wouldn’t and I think he knows too and is panicking.
Christmas is a pressure to do many people. I just want the children to enjoy it a x fogbut nogvuo be ruined but again I’m waiting to see if he’s got worse when he returns or starts pretending nothing happened and tries yo be nice.
I’m not feeling strong really, I’m scared. To make the final decision and change our chances of security but we can’t stay this way and I have to look forward.
Wishing you all strength x -
We don’t need a man for security, we dont need a man to make us feel complete. It’s nice if we can lean in to them sometimes, but not for them to take total control of us. You’re not stupid in giving him one more chance, he’s three stupid one. 22 days till the end of the year, that’s all, unless he becomes violent put on the biggest act of your life but meantime keep planning and organising the end of all this. You are strong, look at what you’ve endured, you just want it over and it wrll be, son. It will be over when you decide. Once we detach from them mentally, emotionally follows. You can do this, we all do at some point. It just has to be at your own time of choosing.
We’re always here 💜💜IWMB 💕💕
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