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Its not been that long since I fled a few months. Long enough but yet slowly Ive gotten to know this gentle calm guy. He likes me for who I am is gentle when he hugs me. Or tickles me but he doesn’t know my story. How every single piece of abuse I’ve been through.
My abuser took away my pain meds until I got really ill. I shouldve been in hospital yet he only got me help when it affected me doing things for you. He controlled who I saw friend wise always saying we couldn’t afford it or that I shouldn’t want to leave him on his own. He never let me spend money without asking him so I got attached to his small presents. He controlled contraception and put me through the fear of facing that luckily (health condition removed by Moderator) saved me from that reality. He threatened my friends, me and even the cats. He always lost his temperature at (pastime removed by Moderator) smashed things over that. I had to keep him calm or it was my fault.
The new guy he’s so gentle he respects my boundaries without me staying. If my body reacts strongly he backs up so I can react safely. He doesn’t push me to know what’s happened he knows I’ve been through something.
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Hi Pusheen
you did so well to get out of your last relationship which sounded so abusive.
It can leave us with deep scars and difficulties trusting new people. It is worth remembering that abusive people are still the minority though, and happy and healthy relationships happen every day!
There have been a couple of threads in here recently about ladies worried about starting new relationships after abuse, and I hope you can get some interesting thoughts from reading them.
In the past there have been conversations on this forum too about whether to talk about previous abuse with a new partner. As you’d imagine there were experiences from both sides, but my feeling was that there may have been some preference in the end towards not talking too much about it. This is completely personal choice of course, but many felt that they wanted to leave the abuser behind completely and not allow him to exist within the new relationship. For many this meant not talking much about it with the new partner. It doesn’t mean you can’t talk about or process what you went through with trusted friends, family, counselors or others.
It’s often second nature for us to share everything with a new partner, so I just wanted to put that thought out there for you, that if you feel uncomfortable about doing that, you’re not alone, and we can still have deep and loving partnerships without sharing everything! -
You have been through so much, it is understandable that you are unsure about whether to tell him about your past. There is no rush. He sounds lovely and gives hope to us all that there really is nice people out there. Unfortunately our walls do go up and it is incredibly hard to trust anyone again.
Enjoy each day, take your time, baby steps and see how you go.
Sending healing hugs.
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