I miss the good moments

[InShock]

I miss the good times and I miss what I thought we had. I miss waiting for him to come home from work and making him his favourite meal in anticipation. I miss the cuddles, his humour and his generosity with physical affection. I had no idea his bad traits would escalate so dramatically after I had birthed his child. I carried our baby out of love. How can a man be so heartless to a vulnerable woman, new mother, to hurt and scare her so much?. I’m having trouble reconciling the two extreme sides to the man whom I loved deeply enough to marry yet whom I had to run from like a fugitive. I feel so , so deeply in pain as I thought I was starting a family. Now it’s just me and our baby whom I’m trying to protect from him.

Instead of feeling safe and loved in my new motherhood, I’ve had to live like a fugitive in hiding and fear and liaise with police

I want to feel loved and safe and supported. I would love a partner because I feel lonely. Someone who will treat my lovely child as his, and who will truly care for us both. I was a great, caring wife, and I miss being a wife. I feel that life was ripped away from me and I barely got to enjoy it.

please, any encouragement is welcome to help me overcome this feeling of confusion, sadness and loss of what I thought I was building.

[Lisa]

Hi InShock,

Thank you for sharing so vulnerably what you’re going through. It’s completely understandable and normal that you would be feeling these things. It is hard and confusing to process the fear and shock at the same time as grieving the loss. You’re right about how you deserved to enjoy new motherhood in loving safety, it’s not fair that he took this from you. Things will get easier over time. Have you thought about using talking therapy to help you work through all these really big, valid feelings? You could reach out to your local domestic abuse service, sometimes they are able to offer specialist counselling or may know of what’s available locally, or speak to your GP.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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