I need out

[Maybe]

I’ve not been on for few months. I’ve kinda just tried to get on with it as best I can. Suck it up. It just gets worse. I decided in tve last few years I need to start making steps to divorce, I knew then it would be a slow process. I’ve tried (number removed by Moderator) times, 1 he got to the gate came back said it wasn’t fair on me. That was few years ago. Then one time he threw such a fuss, had kids begging him not to go. But went stayed in a hotel just for (timeframe removed by Moderator) the returnee home n I was kinda forced to accept him staying.

Will continue….

[Maybe]

Then the next time (timeframe removed by Moderator) I attempted to get a divorce but ww were living in the house together n I just didn’t follow through. What I’ve come to understand is he’s never going to leave. I’ve been told 4 (timeframe removed by Moderator) how lucky I am. I’ve been criticised belittled all the marriage. I’ve begged on my hands and knees for peace at one point. Nothing is ever good enough. How I am, way I look. My sickness, my fault. My weight am told am weak. Am a tank etc. Then there’s the silent treatment it can be a day or two, weeks months even. But now I’ve gone numb I dint argue back I don’t justify why the dishes haven’t been put away or the bin when wfh cause there’s no point. I asked him about how he was doing and got told who did in think I was talking to. I’ve been close to a breakdown I think at times. This is not love. The hard part is as he’s not getting a reaction out of me he ignores the kids. Is rude, ignores them etc. Everyone is dreading summer. It’s so sad….

[Maybe]

My point is here. I need to get out I gave to for their sake. Am scared. I have no where I can go. Am the main wage earner but it’ll cripple me. I’ve no idea. I just dream of being able to sit and eat without that awful anxious feeling dreaming about sitting in a living area. Me n the kids spend all of our time in the bedroom wen he’s home. That dream keeps me going, to wake up and be free. To be able to control my own happiness. To not have to explain and justify why I’ve spent money on something, to justify why I’ve put weight on, why I get stressed. I’ve known for a while now after all these years it’s not my fault and that in itself is such a relief. Am not guilty. No one, no one deserves to be treated like this but I am beside myself I’ve let my teens down. I pray they dint resent me in the future. I think we all need counselling.

Tomorrow I am going to use the chat n find out, I know I can’t move immediately but I have to start getting the info to.put a plan in place. I know I need help to do this and for the 1st time am ready to accept help and not feel so ashamed as I have over the years. Embarrassed n mortified. Am holding myself accountable I need out for all our sakes. Am scared

[EvenSerpentsShine]

Good luck with taking these steps. I think if you’re married with a shared home, you can start a divorce and the assets will need to be split. So, as far as I know, the joint property will be sold and you will get your share of that. So, he won’t have a choice of staying in the marital home in the long term.
I think you’re probably wise not to be living there while this is happening though, I think that would be an awful situation and maybe dangerous.
It would really help to talk to people and get legal and practical advice.
Good luck.

My personal experience, it’s tough for a while but SO worth it. If not now, then when? There’s never an easy time to do it.

[Maybe]

Thank you. Yes it’s very true if not now when. (removed by Moderator) Thank you again x

[Sad and alone]

Just wanted to say we are in the same place. The criticism and ridiculing. Being told how lucky I am. Feeling of walking on eggshells one minute, then it feels like how things were when we first met and in a good place, then something will trigger him and it’ll be nasty. I posted here once to ask is it not a mental problem, being an abuser. Like the way they think, they genuinely think they’re right in what they say and do. But they said no it’s not a mental disorder and saying that is like excusing them for their behaviour. But I still think it is. Because their actions aren’t that of a normal person. Not rational. Without empathy.
I don’t want to be in my life anymore. I’ve been told you can list a lot of reasons as to what’s stopping you going and then work through each one and find a solution. I have just one reason left now. It’s taken a while but I think I can leave everything else behind. But I cannot leave my elderly pet.
Have a live chat here or contact your local DA centre. Your GP could help too pointing you in the right direction. Getting some facts and a plan will help.
I think it is very overwhelming, your whole life will change. This chapter will be over and you’ll be starting a new one. The unknown is always very daunting. But I hope we can all find happiness one day, no matter how long it takes us xx

[Maybe]

Thank you sad and alone. Every word I feel what you are saying.

Yes saying its a mental disorder feels like an excuse for them. (removed by Moderator).

Its scary how one person can have such control over us. When u say that you don’t want 2 be in your life anymore I get u I wish I could just click my fingers n it be over. I’ve actually ashamed to say wish he would meet someone else and leave me but I know he won’t.

 

On Friday I did use the chat got information and will reach out to.my local da soon. Am doing things in small steps. I’ve tried to do this on my own (number removed by Moderator) and I no now I need the support to follow through n get out.

I dream of a different life just peace. I wish u all the luck too.we deserve so much more than this. Peace is the bare minimum really.

Thank goodness for womens aid.

Am going to keep comming on here, I stopped last time after trying to divorce fell through. I just accepted this was my fate.

I feel u also with your pet. They are everything aren’t they. I won’t be leaving mine I don’t no how that would work but he’d die if I left him. Take care. Thank u for responding too. Good luck xx

[Author]

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