I need support

[Rolyrose]

Hi< im new here and it’s been recomended to talk to othrs on here. ive been with my (number removed by Moderator) hubby for (number removed by Moderator) years now. we have 2 children together. They are youngish. ( wont say exact ages). my hubby is pretty good sober but if he has had a drink then he is vile or can be. he doesnt eat loads so it only takes 2 or 3 cans for him to get drunk or annoying. its usually in the day when im at wprk. as soon as he opens his mouth i know whether he has been drinking or not. he always denies it at first and then may say hes had one or possibly two but i can tell if its more. its strange that he doesnt need many to become annoying & drunk.  the problem is if i say t him look i’ve had enough you are going to need to leave he goes vile. (timeframe removed by Moderator) i had been at (location removed by Moderator) an i was so happy as id smashed a fear of mine but when im got hoe he was slurring his words and i was so upset and angry at him. a big day for me and hed needed to get drunk. i said to him ive had enough you need to leave. he always says that aint happening and its my problem and if i want to leave i am welcome. no matter how much i point out this isnt my fault he refuses. (removed by Moderator). (he cant see his drinking is causing a problem again. he is named on the mortgage only and deeds but we got married (number removed by Moderator) years ago. he then left the house. i then got numerous abusive texts telling me i can stay if i pay all the bills, im useless, this is my fault, why have i such a big problem with his drinking…… it carries on. i know he is in the wrong not me. i asked him to  stay at (location removed by Moderator) that night and i bolted the door but he was telling me he’d have me thrown out and he’d call the police even though i know they wouldnt have thrown me out i didnt want my children seeing the police a the house. i begged him to  just stay away that night but he refused. i then messaged (relative removed by Moderator) and sent him a photo of some of the messages. (relative removed by Moderator) came round. he was there when hubby came home absolutely p****d. he told him if police had have been there he would have been arrested. hubby just shrugged his shoulders. they saw the way he spoke to me and said he cant do that ut he blamed me saying i wound him up threatening to throw him out of his house. tis the same craap every time. the next day he acts like nothing has happened. well then go a few days or a week and he wont drink but then it will happen again. he lies about drinking. he hides the beers. he isnt vile when hes not had a drink but he refuses to gt help. it is so hard as i love him. i know that sounds weak. financially im screwed. i only work part time and have fibro so i cant see ill ever be able to work full time.  i have an older child as well and she hates him when hes been drinking but he understands how i’ll struggle if i leave and she agrees he’s lovely when sober. he’s said now hell get help but i know this is going to take a long time. he has a lot of issues i have figured over the years and it wont get sorted immediately like he thinks. he cant afford to move out. we have a massive house but high mortgage and bills. he coudnt afford to run another house too. i have no trust for him regarding if he’s going shopping or actually drinking. i trust him as in with other women but not whether hes visited the pub but that is because he’s lied so much over the years. im mid life now and i didnt want to be on my own. i married him because i wanted to be with him forever. apparently i forced him to marry me and he regrets that now if i’m leaving him! advice greatly appreciated.. sorry for spelling mistakes i struggle on a computer.

[Cat24]

I’ve been exactly where you are and living with addiction and abuse is just awful. I assure you leaving is the best option. They do not improve , sobriety is rare and it gets worse. You will start to get so affected it will start impacting your health.  There are numbers to refuges who will keep you all safe and support you with things like housing and sorting the mortgage, as well as things like changing your phone number etc and starting on the road to recovery.

My ex was relentless. Put in prison (number removed by Moderator) . Would not let the relationship go . Life time restraining order . He had the same record with all his exes and is now abusing the new supply. He’s still an alcoholic and has been his whole life and that wont change…they pretend to though .  I am so free now it feels amazing. I meet new people and volunteer , I am looking for a new job , I dress how I want and I go to the gym. I concentrate on me.

Yes it is hard to leave. Yes they will try anything to get you back even claim they are clean. Yes they will try to rub new partners in your face pretending to be happier etc ( its a facade ) yes rebuilding my life was hard …very hard but was it worth it ..  yes ..hell yes. Everyone is happier and most importantly everyone is safe.

You got this and you and your children deserve more than this and a peaceful, safe life. Take care

 

[1234fr]

I will say one thing , I married someone who drank too much, I put his abuse down to drink and he was told to stop … whizz forward and the worst attack came in (year removed by Moderator) and he wasn’t drunk! He dragged me by hair anc ran at me and head butted me into a wall … had t drank at all but now we’ve been split since (year removed by Moderator) I’m told he drinks a lot and does drugs … whether someone drinks or doesn’t drink , you’re life is short and even shorter with an abusive man. I live my life now forget grateful my ex didn’t kill me that night and to think I blamed booze . Booze or no booze abuse is abuse . I had two children with my ex and he tried to ruin all our lives. The kids and I have moved on and they survived but my biggest regret is ever staying !!! If I could go back in time I’d have found a way but it was hard ! He’d cried and beg forgiveness !! He actually walked out of me told me he was off and he’d ruin me !! (number removed by Moderator) years after the last attack I had thr courage to tell the police ! Years of trying to brace and finally I was anc my ex got a suspended sentence ! My only regret is not doing a report at the time of the  first violence second violence third violence . You’re life is precious xx

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