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At her last session she was called out by the psychologist for wasting the sessions with him. He said if she wasn’t prepared to deal with the real issues, instead of wasting time talking about her friends, she shouldn’t come back. She tried to tell him I’d JUST ended the relationship with her dad, but he cut her off & said we’ll get to that later! He said she had a choice, if she comes back she has to open up about her problems, if she’s not prepared to do that she shouldn’t come back. Now because he was like that, she said she doesn’t want to go back. I’m at a total loss for what to do, she’s attempted suicide, self harms, has started drinking & is acting very recklessly. She is a danger to herself & was referred for their help. I feel he pushed her too far, especially as he knows she’s a victim of abuse. He was great with her the previous sessions but the last one he did a complete about turn & was quite harsh. I know she will never trust him now, she finds it very difficult to open up & I think the way he was has destroyed the little bit of trust she did have with him. She’s supposed to be there today, I don’t know what to do. I feel like ringing him & telling him he’s an idiot & should understand that trying to bully her won’t work. Am I being over protective of her? Was he right to be so firm with her? I don’t know what will happen if she doesn’t go back, she’s reasonably stable for now but that’s only since she started going to Camhs. I’m heartbroken & sick with worry at what she will do if she doesn’t have mental health support. I can’t help her on my own.
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Thank you for your reply. I always question my judgment when it come to her, I can be too protective. I was really shocked cos up until then he was actually getting somewhere with her. Obviously it wasn’t quick enough for him. She’s point blank refused to go back to see him, I don’t blame her. I know I can’t get her through this alone though.
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a breakdown in communication. I don’t know so much how Camhs works but he ought to try to keep your daughter engaged with the service. He said ‘if she wasn’t prepared to deal with the real issues’ which, to your daughter, is him telling her he is the one setting the agenda. it echoes power and control issues. no wonder she wasn’t happy. I wouldn’t have liked it much myself and it doesn’t help its coming from a man, as Ayanna says. him saying ‘don’t come back unless …’ is really blowing it. who gets to speak to a teen like that anyway?! we all know how well they react to language like that; its sayonara time. but, maybe if your daughter can recognise that the service itself can be helpful to her she could still engage with a different psychologist (one more mindful of the role of language in abuse issues).
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Hi Moogie, were you there during her session? Are you sure that’s exactly what was said? Before you do anything I would let things settle, speak to her psycologist when you are calm and ask for his version. If there’s already some sort of connection there, it would be a shame to waste it. Teenagers can be fickle at the best of times. Perhaps she just doesn’t want to go back at the moment and is too afraid to say she needs a break, or is acting out?
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Hi Moggie, my own son goes to Camhs too. So far he has been doing well, he is seen for his anxieties. He has had two different ladies dealing with him and responded better to the first one as he said to me. But he likes going there even though he tells me at times they don’t do much for him as all that really makes a difference is learning coping techniques. I think in your case, it is serious with suicide attempt(s), and the way your daughter was treated is unprofessional. Maybe the psychologist was getting frustrated but he would have been better off telling you about the stagnation he felt had been reached. It takes a long time for children and teenagers to trust and open up. He made a bad mistake giving an ultimatum to your daughter. If she has attempted suicide he needs to go so slow during the sessions, and I would think he needs to also keep you in the loop. I think you need to speak to your daughter and get her to see someone else asap. Her situation is serious. Maybe speak to Camhs and ask to change her psychologist. You must not abandon the sessions. See if she is willing to attend with someone else taking over. I really hope she regains trust…poor young lady…i know you will do your very best, you are a good mum, put this awful ultimatum to one side and start fresh with a new member of staff, this one is seriously not up to it. A man or not, they are trained to deal with such situations, he may need to practice self introspection!
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Thanks ladies. I’m at every session so he did say it!! I’ve just spoke to him & he said he changed tactic as she won’t engage about her dad, she is very complex & has a habit of avoiding the issues that are hurting her the most. He said she needs to engage cos if she doesn’t work on what’s causing her so much pain she will only spiral more out of control. She’s said she will go back today, but I don’t think she will engage with him after he did that. I know she is very good at avoiding things, side steps with other stories etc but I also know she desperately needs professional help. If she decides after to day she wants to see someone else I will ask for her to be transferred.
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Well that was a disaster! He tried to push her to engage again & her walls went up, she completely shut down so I’ve told him she won’t be going back. They’re too focused on a quick turn around for it to be able to work for my daughter. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now, but I won’t be making her “engage” about her trauma before she’s ready to. I’m devastated.
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Sorry to hear about the psycologist doing that maybe your daughters way of openeing up was first talking about her friends and when she could trust him then she would open up about her dad. Sometimes they just see it as a quick solution rather than trying to understand how your daughter works. Hope you and your daughter are ok could you maybe see if she could see someone else that is willing to take the time with her? X
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Thanks for all the advice ladies. I spoke to my friend who works in this field & she said Camhs are very much a push them through tick the box then move to the next one. This obviously will not work with my daughter. She needs time, the handful of sessions he did have with her have helped her to see what her dad did was abuse, but forcing her to open up was the worst possible thing he could’ve done. He even brought up her precious counselling sessions ( she adored the lady that she saw for a few months & she helped mine & my daughters relationship) he said he’d spoken to her & she said the same thing that my daughter won’t deal with the real issues!!! This has obviously upset her. He even said to her I don’t care if you engage or not there are lots of kids waiting to come here that will. This was the point he lost her completely, she was hurt that he didn’t care I saw her little face drop. I think she needs to see someone who specialises in DV, there is a place here locally. She can’t be just left to it!! I can’t help her on my own, she needs professional help. I’m so shocked that this has happened when they know how she is a danger to herself, she’s till self harming & has recently starred punching walls, her hands are always cut open. How can a service to help kids just discharge their duty without helping her.
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The problem is they are underresourced and under intense pressure.
Younger minds and DV services may have groups she can join or phone support.
Nspcc may also be a help. If she’s not ready to open up about the real issue then she maybe needs time with some form of support to build her confidence and then go back to some more intensive therapy?
Hope you find better help -
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I am so sorry to hear your daughter has now been even more traumatized by those who are supposed to help her.
You need to be her advocate and you need to complain and let them know this type of therapy isn’t helping her but has now made it worse for other to help.
You need to complain about him directly as he should have seen that there was a mismatch and should have directed at least to services to help.
This makes me so cross. -
Thanks ladies. She will be a lot more guarded now. I’ve gotten her on the waiting list for a service that specialises in DV, they were really shocked when I told them what had been said. It will be a while before she starts going there but I think she probably needs a bit of time to heal from her experience at Camhs. It was going really well, she’s a very complex girl with lots of defence mechanisms but trying to bully his way though to her just made her s**t down. It’s hard for me to open up about what’s happened & im an adult, I thought they would be more understanding of her issues. So for now I’m on my own with her, she starts back at Sch & this will bring up all sorts of other problems too. I’m really not looking forward to the next few months as she’s going be so up & down, with nobody to help her but me.
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Oh my…..shut down not sh*t!!!! Stupid phone
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We went to see councillor the my daughters been seeing for months, this was supposed to be her last session cos my daughter was now at Camhs. When my daughter told her what had happened she said she will continue to see her as long as she needs to. She was really shocked at some of the things the psycologist said to my daughter & felt he’s acted very unprofessionally. She understands that this has been a major set back for my daughter, she has very low self esteem & trust issues. She asked if she wanted to keep seeing her & she said yes. This is until the DV councillor is available, there’s a lengthy wait for the service. My daughter seemed so relieved afterwards & was actually smiling ☺️ I’m so angry at the things he said, the more I think about it the more I feel I should complain about him.
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I still can’t quite believe that this happened Ayanna . He knows the history of abuse so I assumed he would be sympathetic to her needs. She is very vulnerable especially as I’ve just left her dad recently. Instead he charged at her like her dad would & she instantly shut down. I’m so glad her councillor has said she will continue her sessions. My daughter adores her & more importantly she trust her.
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