I think I am in denial

[Stuckinturmoil]

I know something is wrong. I wouldn’t be here if everything was ok. He hasn’t been too bad for about a week so I am doubting if it’s all in my head. Even though he hasn’t been bad for a week other small things are strange. Like we go to (detail removed by moderator) and he doesn’t even acknowledge I am there with him. I am not needy but after (detail removed by moderator) he hasn’t spoken to me once.
I queued up to (detail removed by moderator). He started shouting orders at me in front of the queue how he wanted (detail removed by moderator). So loud and embarrassing
Whenever I speak or talk about something he immediately comes out with a negative to everything I say. This is all what a good day looks like.
Bad days are him flying off the handle in a rage which makes my out my arms up in defence even though he hasn’t hit me – yet. Being ridiculed in front of my family. Called names. Never a nice word to say to me. Not said I look nice or he fancies me in well over (detail removed by moderator). Even when I have bought a new dress or made an effort for him. I just feel invisible in my own home. I try my best to make him appreciate me but he doesn’t.
Should I divorce this man?

[Bananaboat]

No one can tell you whether to divorce him or not that’s your personal choice but the behaviour you describe contains a lot of red flags and typical abuse type activity. If you’re not happy, not free to live how you wish to, are walking on eggshells, dread weekends/events/feel invisible then I’d say you deserve to be happy and deserve more than this. I too used to be ignored outside of the home, even choosing to engage with strangers over me, at supermarket till he’d vanish and leave me to pay every time, if we had a rare child free evening he’d ruin it somehow every single time. It’s tiring, and the more you try to do to appease him the more you lose your self worth & identity. You deserve to be happy, being with him isn’t giving you that x

[Anonymous]

I too was in same position, my home , abused , criticised, paid for everything, got nothing in return except misery & control from all angles , wasn’t free to speak , move , do anything. Listen to your heart , your know what to do when the time is right , are you happy in this life ? Is this what you really want to live with ? Ask yourself questions and your be very surprised at the answers , weigh up pros & cons . Good & bad . Think of your needs , are they being met ? Xx

[soapt]

I’ve been going through this very thing. The c**p hit the fan in (detail removed by moderator) and made me actually envision life without this man. I go back and forth daily, like: is he changing for real? Or will I just waste more of my time with him because his abuse will manifest in different ways later on? Is he right? Is he trying and I’m not? The mind battles absolutely drain me. Individual counseling has helped me. My husband doesn’t know I’ve been getting help. Like yours, my husband doesn’t hit me either.

I’m learning that it’s inevitable that I must leave. At least separate. A huge reason for me is that there are certain things my husband refuses to do or face. I won’t give him any ultimatums like he has with me, but I have wanted him to go to individual counseling for awhile. He thinks he can will his way to being a better person, even in the midst of complete chaos. I also think that he is “changing” because he can sense that I already have one foot out the door.

It’s so much easier to see what other people’s issues are and maybe what they should do. But if you get some help from a counselor I would say that’s a good step. Not marriage counseling. Since you’re here, you already feel what you feel, and you are seeking validation. In my opinion, if it’s safe, get a counselor and go from there. My IC is virtual. I had doubts about that working but it is 100% awesome.

Best

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