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I carried all emotional responsibility at home, even while very ill. He only acted when things affected him.
• He isolated us from his family and made us walk on eggshells, while looking laid-back to outsiders.
• He didn’t attend important things for our daughter unless forced (even her emergency (detail removed by Moderator) surgery).
• He withheld sex unless he wanted it, leaving me feeling ashamed and unwanted.
(incident detail removed by Moderator)
All of his ultimatum was therefore i think about control and not my ds best interests. He also pushed my eldest daughter out at (age removed by Moderator). It’s a pattern.
• Left bills in my name and stopped paying child support.
Consistently put me down and lied until i doubted myself.
During my (health detail removed by Moderator) transplant assessments, he pretended to care and suggested moving into my house so he could take over the tenancy if I died. Once he realised it wouldn’t benefit him, he revealed a hidden relationship, not the one he is in now. But the (number removed by Moderator) within a small space of time.
Whilst leaving myself a very sick person to then worry about where our d will live when i die because he’s not even bothered that she will be homeless
• Took out a phone contract in my name, leaving me with debt.
• Pressured me into paying for his car MOT/repairs, saying he had no money to keep it on the road , knowing i was desperate because i couldn’t get about without a car and knowing I had no child support or benefits for my daughter and I’m dying from a (health detail removed by Moderator) disease. Whilst he was spending all his money buying and taking out yet another new gf and her (number removed by Moderator) children.
• After we split, he continued walking into my home uninvited, speaking to me disrespectfully, and my daughter says he stole things from my house.
• He deliberately causes arguments, bullies, and provokes reactions in front of others.
• He secretly took (amount removed by Moderator) from an elderly,lady our friend who trusted him, and only started paying it back when caught.
• I feel unsafe and scared even when he’s mentioned. He doesn’t respect my boundaries and still turns up uninvited.
And up until this point i still feel everything is my fault and Im to hard on him. But he’s so good at what he does. It’s taken until this year for my family and friends to see it.
I’m already vulnerable because of my (health detail removed by Moderator) disease (I will eventually die i was rejected for transplant).
• I feel exhausted from trying to make him take responsibility.
• I need him completely out of my life so I can feel safe and focus on my health. I have reported him for fraud in regard to the phone bill. But i felt scared doing it because i still feel its my fault. -
Whoa.
Thats a lot.
And no. The phone thing is not your fault. At all. You can’t make him do things any more than you can make him stop doing things.
He’s a grown man, responsible for himself. End of.
You can’t make him take responsibility for anything. Its absolutely infuriating isn’t it but this is how they work. I got so hung up in trying to make mine take responsibility that I neglected to notice the damage it was doing to me. For every reasonable request there’s a deflection. Teflon coated. Slides right off.
Change your locks. Lock your doors. Make arrangements for your daughter as if he were not there.
Learn to not react. This one is SO hard. But if he tries in front of others…just things like Im sorry could you repeat that please? Or ‘did you mean that to come off as rudely as it did’ kind of answer. He’s used to you responding in a certain way. Knocks them off their game when you don’t.
Normally I would defend myself against accusations but once near the end I said to him, imagine being the person that says that to someone they’re supposed to love’. He stood there with his jaw flapping like a goldfish. Zero sound coming out. Wasn’t the script he was used to.
These guys are GOOD at what they do. They mess with us do much its hard to think straight but if you’re done fighting with him you’ve got to step out of the ring. He will never agree with you. Never admit anything. Never accept responsibility. Got to let it go x
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Theres alot more unfortunately. This last year ive had to accept that i was being emotionally abused and still was. Its been heartbreaking to accept he doesn’t care about anyone at all.
He has zero empathy and it’s horrible watching him continue to abuse our daughter when she needs him. But in reality he was never there for anyone it was always me.
He’s completely abandoned our daughter for yet another woman and her children because he cannot deal with the emotional repercussions of me dying on our daughter and he doesn’t want that burden.
Im trying to let it go but its the toughest thing i had to do and ive dealt with alot in the last five years. Im try to arm her with the tools she needs to deal with him now i know what im dealing with. She shouldn’t be dealing with this at all.
Im so angry he gets to live and has all the opportunities in the world to do things with her and go to her wedding, grandchildren etc and he dosent care about any of it. Its so unfair.
Thank you for replying and listening.
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