I think I’m there but worried I’ll crack

[Dreamingoffreedom]

I’ve posted on here a few years ago. I’m in a highly emotionally abusive relationship. I tried counselling and almost left. It didn’t happen because he talked me out of it. I’m  now at the point where I’ve told him I’m done. I want him to leave but if not I will. I’ve told friends and family what is happening (not the not gritty) and my dad has already said he can tell I’m in a coercive relationship and my friends have told me this before😢. My reasons for telling is that if I tell, there is more chance I’ll do it but I keep worrying he’ll talk me back round. Everything in my life is perfect apart from my relationship which leaves me so sad and anxious. I worry about how it will affect my child but I also know staying will f him up more. I know there’s only me that can do it but I’m just asking for support and people telling me how much I need to do this and how much better it will be in the end….

[Bananaboat]

Have you heard of FOG? Fear, obligation and guilt. All those are rife in abuse and keep us tied in. Recognising that helps. Personal experience I knew it was over, I’d told him for months but even when I was signing for my new house, telling him I was moving, even when physically moving out I was still wobbling. You desperately want what could’ve been and yes he’ll play every trick in the book. But you can do this and the peace you’ll discover is worth it x

[minimeerkat]

as you found out before an abusive partner can be extremely convincing when we make any attempt to leave.  you will normally see a wonderful side to them at this point which can be very confusing.  its whether because you now know that even though he may have convinced you to stay last time you are actually able to see beyond this display of good/kind/nice/decent behaviour – as it obviously didnt last or make any difference. they can be very manipulative when they are losing control of us so it might help if you can see that this is all it is.  also i dont know if you are trauma bonded to your partner at all so if you are it might be worth reading about these bonds which will help too

its so good that you have others who love & care about you.  and remember there is the live chat on this site or your local da service if you feel you need that bit more support to get through this.  you can do this.  its just finding the strength & courage to put yourself (& your child) first believing that you are worthy of kindness & respect x

[Dreamingoffreedom]

Thank you ladies. We sat down and I stood my ground telling him I was done. He tried to talk me out of it but eventually lost it. So even when trying to tell me I should stay with him he loses his temper and threatens my family members. I want him to move out but he says he won’t do anything until I talk to him properly. Wants to fight for us. However this is about the (detail removed by Moderator) time I have told him I’m done and he is still the same so I know not to believe him. I’m trying to keep strong but keep getting these feelings of doubt in my tummy….

[minimeerkat]

i know its scary but seeing his true colours even whilst trying to convince you to stay has shown you how he behaves when feeling a loss of control.  so the most important thing right now is to ensure your safety in whatever way that may mean for you due to their unpredictable nature during this time – it may help if you note all behaviour & threats from now on as you might need this information to help keep you safe

what helped me see through all the rubbish was that it wasnt my partners fear of losing me it was his fear of losing control – thats all it was about, nothing to do with how he felt about me at all.  i do hope you are in touch with all who can help & support you right now.  try to stay strong & please stay safe x

[Dreamingoffreedom]

I have really opened up to everyone. I haven’t told them some of the really bad stuff but it’s no news to them I’m in an abusive relationship. I have so much support. I just wish they didn’t make us doubt ourselves so much. The fact I would be happier if he just dropped down dead tells me all I need to know about what I need to do. Thank you for listening.

[Television1]

I feel you should tell people the gritty rubbish parts because once everyone knows the truth it kind of makes it easier not to go back. Once my mum and dad new everything about my ex, I mean it only came out because he rang them when I was hiding from him after he strangled me I new I couldn’t go back. I love him and miss him and it’s very hard but it’s only been 10 days since I last seen him. Hoping it will get easier. I wish u the best always follow your gut because it is always right x

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