I think one of the hardest things is

[Chocolatebunnie]

When you have asked for help, and been told that you’re not as hard done by as he is, regardless of what others think. It could be your family, GP or anyone else who sees you need support and of course they are interfering and you are the bad one for getting anyone involved.

When you are told you are nasty, unloving and unkind. When infact you’ve been keeping away knowingly as you feel the tension and want to avoid the consequences.

That they just don’t care, you can be ill, tired or upset and depending on how they feel depends on the support you get, that’s if there’s any.

You won’t get affection unless you give affection and usually the only affection they want is sex.

That they can be cold, when you are struggling, hurt you and then not a sorry just back to normal and you cannot react to this change you have to go along with it otherwise it’s you, your fault and proves to them you’re the problem.

Even when they expect you to carry on as normal they are still are angry, begrudging and there’s tension. You are lucky that they are forgiving you so to speak.

You know that they will want to make up, be nice, forget what’s happened and the honeymoon will begin again, for a day a month or more who knows and you feel that vortex pulling you and you try so hard to be strong and not get sucked in again, you know it’s unhealthy and you’re hurting and angry you don’t want to be close you want to get away, but you give in as it’s easier and things will be better again.

[Better-days]

The vicious circle of our lives chocolatebunnie well said. My partner says I’m not nice to him but by that he means not offering him sex everyday. I say to him all the time if I was to show u to the room and offer u sex you would then think I was nice when I am in fact a nice person but however u can’t even be nice to me as in just show me some respect and I have to be nice to u then go over and above and offer sex aswell. oh ok Maybe if u were nice to me I would want to. He gets so annoyed as I say it how it is now but he won’t change he’s worse.

[nbumblebee]

All you have said CB is totally true. For me the lack of love care hurts more than anything.
If its not sex or doesnt lead to sex then it wont happen its heart breaking.
I have no otber words its just pants every day all day every week month year hour is the same.
How long will we live this way?

Sending you hugs CB hang on in there x

[swanlake]

I agree it was such a shock to me to realise that my abuser did not care at all about me and just wanted to harm me.

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