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It’s been a while since I’ve been on this forum. I thought I was doing really well and I was handling things.
I’ve been through (detail removed by Moderator) of talk therapy and my therapist helped me so much. She made me realise that I wasn’t to blame for what happened to me and helped me recognise behaviours that I have developed in response to the trauma I experienced. I was communicating with my current partner really well, helping him to understand certain triggers etc.
I just now feel like I’ve come to a halt. I’ve once again started to hate my body which has triggered my ED. I find it really difficult to look in the mirror. I’ve been having nightmares again, screaming myself awake some nights. My mood has been so low and I feel so drained. I feel like I need to completely escape from the world for a few days and bring myself back to normality.
Some loved ones have already started asking questions, wondering why this ‘has come up again’, why I’ve ‘been doing so well’ and now I ‘seem sad again’. And I know they’re doing this with the best intentions but I can’t help but feel that I’m put back in that position of having to defend and explain myself. It’s almost as though people are only understanding of mental health and trauma recovery for a certain length of time and then it becomes irritating to people. ‘Aren’t you over that yet?’ kind of questioning.
Has anyone else had this kind of experience? I just really don’t want to go back to the downward spiral.
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Yeah it’s like a yo-yo thing, sometimes I can be ok then days later I cant leave my house, it’s mad, I can go a few weeks at most no nightmares then out of the blue they’ll happen again (worsening by already neurological condition) setting me back, be kind to yourself, you’ve people around you who believe your worth caring for, your family aren’t gonna understand the long therm effects of d.v cos they’ve not experienced it, people usually think traumatic event/events + therapy/counselling = completely fixed forever but we both know it’s not the case, ptsd is brain damage and cellular memory dysfunction it effects the cortisol and damages the limbic system, as long as you’ve got people who understand and care that’s the main thing we have to accept that not everyone is gonna “get it” so to speak, they’ve not been in your shoes so they can’t, take care get additional support for your e.d if need be
💖💗💖
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