I want him gone

[Drainedallthetime]

I’m not quite sure where to start I’ve told him and made it clear I do not want a relationship with him and that’s not going to change. But he responds with it’s not my choice or we will be together forever. It’s not up to me. I’m not sure what to do with this. In my head Its over I can’t and don’t want to continue this way and I’m set on my decision but in his head we’re still together and that’s so confusing I don’t want him thinking that and I don’t know how much clearer I can be. It’s so draining and worse because the kids are involved. I just want to be free and probably not possible but avoid it coming down to authorities being involved and he has restricted access to the kids. I’ve always been clear in the fact what’s between us is between us and he can see the kids whenever he likes he’s actually great with them but for us it’s just not working and I’m not sure how to get him to leave.

[Bananaboat]

You have to maintain that line – it’s over. He’s going to try every single trick in the book from being overly nice, to being vile, to ignoring the fact you’re saying it’s over and everything inbetween to try and find whatever works to make you say fk it let’s just stay together then (either out loud or just internally and you stop saying it’s over to him). You’re his supply so unfortunately he’s unlikely to leave easily or agreeably. Is the house in your name? In your other post you mention social services – I know it’s scary but they’re genuinely there to help and are used to this. This period can be volatile so please keep your phone on you, stay safe and reach out for help x

[Drainedallthetime]

Hi banana boat, hope your well and thanks for reaching out. I’m definitely sticking to not wanting to be together I feel like I’ve got myself into a totally different mindset about it all to the point he even started crying the other day and I just have no sympathy anymore. The only reason I don’t take it further is just based on who I am, I really don’t want to mess up his life and have him suffer despite what he’s done to me that’s just out of my character but the way he is going he will leave me with no choice. And to your question no his name is not on the house one thing I swore and stuck by I couldn’t ever given the situation. And yes I get social services are there to help just feels like I have no privacy and someone is constantly watching over everything I really wish he would just agree and move on..

[Purplerain24]

Hi how’s it going, did he leave?

[Drainedallthetime]

Hi purplerain24,

hope your okay, it’s not going so well, I’m still sticking to my word to this day I’m content in my decision he just seems to ignore it, he continues to ask for affection getting angrier each time  as I’m of course refusing anything physical. I feel stuck to be honest. Social services case has been closed now but I fear they will be involved again. I’m worried about my lack of being completely honest with social services and where that may lead if they are ever involved again.

[Purplerain24]

I had a similar situation, it only works in their favour, they know that you are scared and don’t want authorities involved, so they have you over a barrel more control for them, your basically trapped, you won’t make the leap out of fear of authorities becoming involved, but see it this way, if you stay it will never end, your kids won’t thank you for it, if the abuse were to escalate or a incident happens authorities will then be involved on a deeper scale and they will know that you lied to them, please don’t stay out of fear that’s exactly what he wants, distance yourself from him even if you have to come out of your own home, there is ways around it, but Staying is not one of them.

💓

[Stuckinturmoil]

I have been in a very similar situation.  I recently discovered there is something called an occupation order where you can apply to the court to make them move out.  I believe you can fill it in yourself online and it’s free in cases of  domestic abuse.  I wish I had known about this (number removed by Moderator) years ago. I even paid to see a solicitor and they never told me.  hence my username stuck in turmoil

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