I want to go back

[Confused-and-alone]

I don’t know why but I want to go back, I’ve been free for several months and have been doing OK I think but just lately I want to go back. He says all the right things about how sorry he is and how he knows he was awful to me, he’s got a new girlfriend but tells me that he’s only with her because I don’t want him, I’m even seeing someone new (not serious at all just a bit of fun) but I can’t stop thinking about going back. I haven’t let on to him at all that I’m considering it because I just don’t know if I can trust that he’s changed. I’ve got two close friends who know everything, one tells me I should tell him how I feel before he gets too involved with his new woman and the other tells me I need to remember how s****y he was to me and not go back. I feel like I’m losing the battle all over again!

[TakingBack]

Isn’t it strange how sometimes we can advise others but struggle to take our own advice? I don’t know your situation, how long you were together or the level or type of abuse but you say that you’re wanting to trust that he’s ‘changed’.

Briefly I will say that I’m only a few days staying away from my partner right now and I’m afraid that I might go back because I always do. I am still in love and dint want to let go but …

If certain behaviours that were clearly not acceptable to you within your relationship were happening in his complete awareness and acceptance then is this the person you want to be with . ?
If his treatment of you stems from somewhere deeper and is an issue he needs to address then surely he needs to address it before you can be fully together (living together again)

I just see, from a reasonable mind that if you truly love and want to be with someone then 1. You wouldn’t be with anyone else and 2. You would do whatever the person you love needs you to

The abusive cycle within my own relationship needs to end . Some things cannot keep getting swept under the carpet or cracks painted over … we need to face things
We need counselling. And I need to be strong enough to insist on that or to move on, on my own .

If your partner wanting you back is for love and not for control, I would advice that you sit down and work out what you want and need from him . If he loves you then he should be walking in air that you still want him and prepared to do what you need him to do .

Set boundaries
and stick to them .
Be *strong

Love can be addictive and sometimes when someone is familiar that seems like the easiest option. Be sure that it’s love you still feel for him. If you want him to ‘change’ is he the right person? Are those changes just behavioural or are they just ‘him’? Is he right for you?
So many questions, I know
but I also believe that with the right person you should be able to discuss all of this together .

Good Luck x

[diymum@1]

Look up triangulation in relationships this is what he’s doing. He’s pitting u against another woman this is an abuser tactic. Theses men don’t change just like a leopards spots I promise And can guarantee you this. We all want to hope that things will change that’s natural and they will but not with an abuser. It’s not possible. I know because I tried and tried for almost 20 years what I learned was I wasted my time my energy and as a consequence he damaged me. It’s taken a long time to get over this. I see now with abusers we actually mean nothing to them because they’re not capable of that. My Advice would be forge forward don’t look back that’s where your happiness lies xx 😘

[diymum@1]

Love too is that person being willing to let you go if your unhappy xx if you truly love someone they let you go for your benefit. That’s real love 💕 so if your honest with yourself did he make you happy? If the it’s no then there is ur Answer theses men just don’t change I know that sounds defeated but non abusive men can change evidence shows abusive traits stem from very deep roots xx

[Author]

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