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I went back to him, and as I knew he’s done it again! How many times will I give this guy a chance to change before I realise he never will. Why is it never easy 🙁 He’s not physically abusive, he’s verbally abusive. he well kicked off with me because I changed my profile picture, endless amounts of texts saying how could I remove him from my profile, how I’m playing games etc. All I did was change my b****y profile picture! He the. Proceeded to remove any picture of me and my eldest daughter (who isn’t his) from his profile and replace them with photos of him, our little baby and his female ‘best friend’ who once wasn’t a problem to me, but recently he’s been using her to get to me. He knows full well this would bother me, so once again Iv told him I want him away from me and blocked him from all social media and my phone and right back to square one AGAIN! Why do we ever think they can change 🙁
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I don’t know why, maybe we hope we’ll get back the guy we fell for? But sadly that guy is just a passing shadow of the whole which is far uglier. Had we seen the true whole picture first off we’d never have stuck around. Don’t be hard on yourself, we can’t help who we have feelings for. It just shows that you’re a caring loving person. But you know he’ll never change even if we all hope they will. Take care x
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Hi there, that is the $£€64 question isn’t it. Because we believe there is goodness in everyone, we give them chance after chance. I’ve not went back, I’ve stayed overnight but I’ve not went back. I know he’s still there, hiding in the shadows, i know he can’t change. I believe he believes he can, he’s doing all the right stuff, even eating certain vegetables and food he used to throw a hissy fit at if I dared to put it on his plate, accusing me of thinking of someone else!!!
Please don’t be hard on yourself, I’m liking it to being like a puppy, a puppy who just needs to be kicked one more time before it becomes unmanageable,vicious even.
You’ve left once before, blocked him, you CAN do it again. It really is like coming off a drug I suppose. That craving for one more hit(him being nice).
It’s okay to not be okay, it’s okay to try and make a go of it, you know you’ve tried and he just can’t help himself. You see the triangulation he’s doing with this other woman. I think because my feelings have gone so long ago, that it’s kinda easier in a way, it must be so much harder if you still feel you’re in love with this man.😔
You’ll know what to do when the time is right, it’s just the thought of it.
IF I do go back, I’m not moving all my things back in, I’m letting him believe I’ve put a lot of it out to charity and such. Keeping the door open to leave again at some point, I’m doing that and I’ve not went back yet. Meticulously planning yet again.
You are a strong woman, who doesn’t need a man but chose to want him in your life. He chose to abuse you in whatever way he does it. I read back all my journal entries, haven’t been able to play back my recordings since I’ve left, but they certainly helped to help me leave. Keep posting my friend, just take baby steps.
Best wishes IWMB 💕💕 -
i think theres a few things here conditioning,the need for reiteration for this to sink in, and fear. im not sure how to begin to explain this but all of these were prevalent for me. i went back many times until i had finally had enough. we are definitely conditioned and we have a strong feeling we cannot survive without this person but we have been told that or have been inadvertantly made to feel this way. whether its money, emotional security what ever there is always one thing that we feel they give us. because were in such a tail spin and feel so b****y awful that knot in your stomach you (well i) tend to want that feeling to go away and we feel and know if he stopped this it would go away because he is the cause. this is what we have to realise HE IS THE CAUSE. once we see this over and over through the haze of fear and inside this open void thats unfolded infront of us, we realise we cant climb out as he is there at the top just pushing us down again and again. not sure if this analogy is the same for everyone but it took me time and time again to realise the only way i was going to climb up this huge void was first to fill it with something else,slowly make my way to the tip with out him there (so with no contact) then i made it out with my many wounds i have to say but slowly they are healing i just have to wait now to see if the scars fade x*x i hope so xxxx much love diymum
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Thank you all for taking the time to reply. This place really helps to understand that it’s not me, it’s him. I did so well last time but after a week or so he gave me the big sob story of how he’s failed me, and wants to spend every day of his life proving he can be better and a perfect partner. The evening of our daughters first birthday party he flipped out because he broke something and it ruined his night so he had to ruin mine with his verbal abuse I just went to bed and refused to speak to him, took him a few days to finally say sorry after I told him apologise. Then not even a week later he’s at it again because I changed my profile picture. I’m so sick of it, why can’t he just be normal and stop with the abuse. It’s just down right nasty and so hurtful. I’m sick of it, I just can’t get through to him that he’s in the wrong, he Twists it and twists it to try make it my fault and it’s him that’s had enough of me. Talk about complete head games!! I’m sorry guys I’m all over the place and ranting. He’s not long since posted something on social media of him ‘relaxing’ And tagged a girl in it. I’m here with his baby, the guy has no consideration of my feelings nor any respect for me. I’m so mad and frustrated. I don’t want to be with a person like this yet I can’t seem to walk away. X
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I think thats it exactly lostandbroken. We just want it to stop!
If we think its stopped then hurrah! Great brilliant, they seem repentent, want to change, you want your relationship to work, it takes time to realise that is all abuse and manipulation also just trying to reel you back in
Try not to be to hard on yourself for wantig our relationship to work.
You turned this around amazingly quickly…well done you. I think youve got this now.
Warmest wishes
TS
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