I will not minimise it any longer.

[Footballfan1]

Lots of you will already know I got out of my abusive relationship almost (detail removed by Moderator) months ago.
Today it finally dawned on me that he has been trying to make me lose my mind.
All sorts of different tactics, lies, manipulation.
Making out he is the victim, he is hard done by.
He gave lots of thoughtful presents at Christmas to me and the kids, it broke my heart.
I was still on high alert, in the past this kindness usually is a tactic and a lot of nastiness follows.
I was right.
I had to call the police again (detail removed by Moderator).

It is stalking and harassment, and he is obsessed with me and the kids.
He is scaring them now, and one of them told him this over the phone.
Instead of apologising, he shouted at our child, called him a liar etc..
I realise now that he is highly dangerous, highly unhinged.
The police have said they fear for our safety.

I’m actually proud of myself for getting so far through this, I’m still managing to work full time, bring up my kids as a single parent, I’m not allowing ex to have them at all until we have been to court.
With all his mind games, I’m really surprised I haven’t had a mental breakdown by now.
Whenever people ask me how things are going, I minimise the issues.
Not Anymore.
I’m going to let everyone know how insane things have been for me.
This forum and the freedom programme have been a life line and helped me understand the abuse for what it is.
My family have been a lifeline helping me out with school runs, security of my home and just letting me vent Whenever I need to.
I am so lucky to have this support.

P.s- I’m not putting down anyone who has stopped work, or not working etc..
Everyone’s situations are different,for example stay at home mums are still working, it is unpaid work which is even more challenging.
Also anyone who has taken time off work or stopped work for any reason should not feel bad about this, physical and mental health is most important and above everything else.
I just meant that for me, I’m glad I’ve not gotten to the point where I had to take time off or given up my job if that makes sense.
I enjoy it and I’m passionate about it. X*x

[Bananaboat]

Well done, this is very inspiring, been starting to realise similar recently and been out similar timeframe. Good luck and stay safe! Working full time and having kids alone is a lot, throwing the ex’s games plus your own recovery into the mix is truly mentally exhausting so look after yourself x x

[Footballfan1]

Thanks Bananaboat,

I’m pleased you are realising these things too.
You stay safe and go after your happiness.
We only have one life. Xx

[Courage157]

They resent us leaving them which is why they try their best to manipulate us however they can. I was always sucked into mine being nice to me and thought he was being genuine but then he round do some tubing to upset me…. I left mine (detail removed by Moderator)yrs ago…

[Footballfan1]

Hi Courage157,

Well done for getting out.
I know how hard they hoover you in.
It is a mentally draining game we play.
I hope you are enjoying your freedom. X*x

[Twix]

You’ve been so strong Footballfan1, to have come so far & be keeping everything going, your progress is inspiring. Keeping yourself & the kids as a focus is your priority & im sorry to hear he’s used Xmas as a time to try & manipulate things further. You’re not going mad & im glad you believe this & that the police recognise how at risk you are. I too minimise what I tell people,I don’t they could understand from the outside the stark contrast in his behaviour that was so personal to me. It all feels like a bad dream having to rebuild a life alone after so long together, but if we focus on our kids we’ll look back & celebrate how far we’ve come. I’m sure of it. Xx

[Footballfan1]

Thank you Twix,

Your words means a lot to me.
You are so strong too, you have been through so much.
Your right, we need to keep ourselves and our kids safe, build a new future for us.
We can all do it, we support each other, keep each other going.
We are stronger than the abusers, they wouldn’t have lasted 5 minutes in our shoes.
We are too strong for them, that’s why they try their games and resort to illegal activities to try and ruin our lives.

[Strongenough]

Be proud of yourself you’ve had your own personal battle which you are winning! People need different tools to get through and manage in different ways. I coped by throwing myself into work and making a new nice home for us. Everyone commented on how well I was coping and in the early days I done great, a determination to succeed, a bit autopilot and enjoying my new freedom. What people didn’t see and still don’t is the anxiety attacks, the times I’m posting on here reaching for support and the days at the weekends where I can’t face getting out of bed.

Please don’t minimise your success, I don’t think anyone on this forum would think you were putting others down etc. Your b****y amazing and it’s ok to say it! X

[Footballfan1]

Hi Strongenough,

Thank-you for your kind words.
Work really does help doesn’t it, it is something different to focus on.
You have been so strong and come so far.
We should be proud of the homes we have made, even with someone trying at all costs to stop us.
Xx

[nbumblebee]

I think you are incredable and should be proud of everything you have achieved this is where Id love to be so to hear you are is really inspiring.
My work holds me up too its something to get up for something I can use to stop thinking about home for just a little while.
Mine is unpaid too. It means tge world. Keep doing you sweetie keep being proud and amazing keep reaching out if you have a wobble and look after you. Thank you gor sharing xxxxxx

[Footballfan1]

Hi Nbumblebee,

Thank you for your kindness.
I know you enjoy your work and are passionate about it, you are brilliant for managing to get up and do it even when being held back.
We are help each other don’t we, I will keep using the forum for wobbles like you said.
I still have them regularly.
Xx

[nbumblebee]

Yeah i do love it with all my heart and I am going to focus on work i need a new thing in ny head he takes up far too much room.
He has been so lovely last couoke of weeks i fear its because ive been home by his side and it will all change when im back at work but lets see I hope im wrong I hope he has changed but I also know just how rare this is.
I wouldnt be here without this forum thats for sure you keep using it and keep posting the positive posts are just amazing xxxx

[Sparkle wand]

You sound really positive & energised which is amazing, as you say we shouldn’t minimise things. You should speak the truth & get the support. You need ❤️

[Footballfan1]

Thank you Sparklewand,

Your right, I need to speak the truth and not minimise the abuse any longer.
I feel like it’s coming together slowly, court date is in near future, kids are happier after not being in their dads care (or lack of) for months.
Christmas was so special, just us, it was heaven.
I did have a wobble Christmas eve, but the kids didn’t see it, I covered it and we did lots of fun things to distract ourselves.
Xx

[StrongLife]

So true.

It’s easy after so long to learn to live with it. Keep going – the next steps are difficult.Be prepared

[Author]

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