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It is written down on the child contact order that he is not to contact me directly long term, and that he is to pick the kids up from the next road and to not come near the house or even come onto my road.
He has ( as I have posted) ignored the bit about not coming on the road. People have seen him driving up and down our road and he picks the kids up from right outside the house.
Today, I saw a pair of my son’s shoes carefully set against the front door. I was a bit confused as to why they were there. Turns out my son left some shoes at his dad’s and his dad ( rather than arrange to give them to him later in week or to get my son to run up the road to get them) physically came all the way up my long driveway and placed the shoes next to my front door.
Now, if I reported this, I would be laughed at, as( cleverly) my ex knows that it will just look like a helpful action on his part, but he is deliberately ignoring the agreement.
He’s moving closer. I just have to wait for something more clearly abusive and then I can go back to court. He promised he would keep away.
I am sure he wants me to start losing it and looking crazy to the kids. I have acted like I haven’t even noticed to the kids, grey rock. But under it all I am furious- how dare he still come near me and my home? He’s pathetic. He must have such an empty life.
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Dear Serenity, I dont think you sound crazy or are going over the top. It is clearly a calculated act and breaching the contact order. Is there nothing legally you can do about this? Maybe Womens aid can advise you? It is a small seemingly innocent act but you as the victim know differently. It reminds me of something that I read in one of the books where the abuser put a post it note on the car windscreen of his victim saying that he misses them. This has huge ramifications to the woman.
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My ex husband has ignored every single one of his financial court obligations. I (obviously, he’s an abuser!) got no maintenance. But this was on the condition that he would pay for other things to do with the mortagage, expenses for the children (college fees), health insurance etc. He has gradually stopped each and everyone. I know his mind-set. No one will tell him what not to do. Not the courts, not the banks, not his children he is above the law in his mind. Not even God Himself. (He chooses to transgress the moral law with his lying and his terrifying innocent women and children ..me and his off-spring). He is a law unto himself. Its a win-win situation for him. He stops paying what he should. I respond by taking him to court. He’s delighted, because then contact with me is resumed and a court battle begins which takes more out of me than him and gets him into my head again. After a long court battle ensues he’ll just plead bankruptcy or show the ‘strategic debt’ he has purposely brought about. He knows No one will make him do what he doesn’t want to do.
However I have found a way to get a few financial crumbs from ‘his big financial’ pile, without him knowing. I relish the sayings ‘Revenge is a dish best served cold’ and ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’. I am finding small ways and means to take a few financial crumbs without him knowing.
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Hi yes, sorry, I wasn’t clear: I wasn’t in at the time.
The house was empty and even though I have changed the locks, I didn’t like the thought of him being there when the house was empty. And why be there? Two days running.
I think I know why. He is taking the kids abroad in week or two, and I haven’t reacted to it, so I think he is going to upset me as much as he can in the days running up to them going, so that I will be in a state ( he hopes) by the time they all go. He is that unkind.
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But you are one step ahead of him, knowing his motives for sitting outside the house and putting the shoes on the step. He doesn’t know that you know (does he?), & you have been posting on here for two years sharing a lot and he doesn’t know about that does he? He might think you are a crumbling scared wreck who he is successfully intimidating, he doesn’t know that your not, not outwardly anyway. I can understand your nervousness Serenity, its very real for us women when we’ve experienced these issues. All I can say is that these worries will pass. X*X
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Hi HA,
Thanks for asking.
No more shoes on the doorstep, no, and I haven’t looked out the front of the house to see if the idiot is there.
Yes, my boys are going in about (detail removed by Moderator). I will miss them and be dead worried, but I have lined up some work for when they are gone so I will keep busy. Thinking of the potential hazards is too much to bear.
If anything happened to either boy, (detail removed by Moderator).
I had a lovely walk this evening by a harbour, watched a beautiful sunset. I missed evening walks. It really energised me. X*x
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