ignoring me…again

[Confusedaboutit]

My boyfriend is a very emotionally manipulative person and every time I go away for a few days he will always cause an argument with me over text. (detail removed by moderator) he’s being short with me, ignoring me and just being rude and I have literally done nothing wrong. It makes me want to weep. A relationship shouldn’t be like this, I feel punished for having a nice time away with friends. I feel so sad.

[HopeLifeJoy]

No you’re right, it shouldn’t be like this, he should be happy for you, the only text you should get is in the lines of ‘hope you having a great time honey, enjoy, big kiss, love’.
How about blocking his number while away with your friends? You can always unblock him when you return and mass delete all his msg without even reading them (edit, select, delete all) and just say you never received them.

Think about what you wish out of this relationship; read about abusive power and control. The silent treatment (ignoring you) as punishment is a form of control, it keeps you on edge and submitted to him.

Take good care of yourself and keep posting

[Confusedaboutit]

Thanks so much.o

[Iwantmeback]

Hi, this is his way of punishing you for not making him the centre of your world. Try not to fall into the trap of begging him to speak to you or walking about on eggshells. Bad behaviour does not get rewarded, either negatively or positively. You know in a few days or tomorrow he’ll deign to start speaking to you more than likely because he wants sex. Time to start distancing yourself from him. The less we interact with abusive partners the better it is for us. Have you heard of the grey rock method, it’s where you make yourself as boring as possible, don’t try and break his imposed silence,give one word replies or as little as possible. Keep it civil don’t rise to his baiting. Keep your girlfriend in the loop, open up tho them. They might not truly understand and will be like why don’t you leave. Are you tied to him financially, e.g. mortgage, is it your house, do you still stay at home or on your own. This is fixable,💞 you need a support network in the real world as well as on here. Keep posting, learn learn learn. Knowledge is power as they say, you’re on here, we’re your secret weapon.
Best wishes IWMB 💕💕

[Confusedaboutit]

Thank you so much. My happiness is totally dependant on him, and I think he knows this. I literally do anything for him, I’m always kind and constantly trying to keep him happy. It’s so upsetting seeing my friends have normal, loving conversations with their partners and mine doesn’t even care. He was asking (detail removed by moderator). I live with him at my parents due to him being unemployed for a while. He has no family of his own so I feel trapped. I just want to feel loved.

[Doris]

What do your parent’s think of him? I know separating is so hard (I am still in a c**p relationship) but please, please get out before more obstacles like marriage get in the way. You deserve so much more than his sullen behaviour. Can you see a counsellor or join a WA Peer Group? Take care X*X

[Confusedaboutit]

Thanks for your response. You’re right, it’s just so hard to escape. I think he knows this too. My parents don’t see this side to him at all.

[Iwantmeback]

My oh says the “I’m only asking”as well, but it’s not only asking, it’s the tone of voice, the undercurrent of what they’re saying isn’t it. I know no-one can read minds but we get a 6th sense,it’s whether we listen to it or not. If he says or does something that you dont think is right, doesn’t sit well, that’s your 6th sense talking to you. We all have boundaries, people like your bf cross and push those boundaries until you no longer recognise yourself, become a shell of who you were. Look at ways to love yourself. We’re fed the lies that doing that is selfish, you only care about oneself. But in order to love others, you have to love yourself. Being in love releases feel good hormones, those hormones are also released when we are afraid of something, fear/flight/freeze response.this is trauma bonding. Letting go of those bonds is hard, it’s like giving up drugs, your body literally craves those chemicals being released in your body so will put up with helluva lot to get its fix. Have you managed to speak to anyone at women’s aid yet, how are your parents with him.do they put up with him because of you or do they seem to genuinely like him. Does he hide his abuse of you from them, have they ever overheard you arguing. Being around 24/7 really isn’t healthy fir either of you. By being unemployed he is relying on you totally fir his well being. You are not responsible for how he feels. Please try and contact WA to get help in getting away from him. They can help you make an exit plan, it’s your house, not his. Keep your friends close, confide in them, they may know more than you realise. People sometimes are jyst waiting for us to open up in order to help but are afraid of scaring us off even more if they offer to soon.
Best wishes IWMB 💕💕

[Doris]

Hi, wise words IWMB. I think your parents, Confused, are probably trying to see the good side of him and maybe are trying to keep out of your relationship. Maybe confide in them – they might surprise you and be glad you confirmed their suspicions. X

[Iwantmeback]

Confused, have you been journaling how he treats you and how it makes you feel. Just because your parents see the good in him don’t let that be why you stay. You are their daughter, he’s just a boy you liked, fell in love with and your parents opened their home to him. Are you scared of him at all, or is he’just’ making you very unhappy. Being coupled by someone is a terrible feeling, we doubt ourselves so much because what they do is so trivial, but if you look at it over a period of time, try looking up the cycle of abuse, try and explain it to your parents. Sometimes trying to educate those we live with, to what’s happening is too hard. Definately get in touch with WA, if you cant get through on the national line you should have a local organisation either in your own hometown or the next one. There’s many videos on YouTube you could maybe direct them to, when your bf isn’t around, even if both of you go out, do they can watch them alone. They have to understand the insidiousness of it, how it creeps up on you, starts off with such little incidents that you would never take them on board, how they follow a pattern. Keep posting sweetheart, keep learning, we will give you the strength to get through this.
Love and light IWMB 💕💕

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