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We’ve been separated a while but he carried on with the bad behaviour. A (detail removed by Moderator) ago although we’re no contact there was an incident, witnessed and now all of a sudden since the incident he’s “changed” he’s working on himself getting help etc. It breaks my heart in two ways, one could we be a family again? Two what’s wrong with me that I made him do such horrible things to us?
Another part of me wonders how genuine he’s being, is he faking it cos he was witnessed? Am I just paranoid? He’s got new partner etc now and treats her and her kid better than he treated our child. That breaks my heart. How can he treat his own child so bad? Is he really changing? Can he change so quickly? Am I just a really bad person for doubting him? My heads all over the place and I don’t know what to think. I just cry. It must have been because of me he was so abusive. -
Hi sweety
He’d just continuing his abuse cycle with his new relationship. Love bombing to reel her and her child in, once they’re committed to him and believing his facade he will turn off the love bomb and revert to his usual ways, his abuse, his need to control his intimate partner and destroy her. She will end up leaving him just as you did. He hasn’t changed.
Nothing, absolutely none of his abusive behaviour is your fault or doing, he has chosen to abuse you behind closed doors, because he thought he could. The abuse is always the abusers responsibility. None of what you did or think you could have done differently would make a difference to his choice of abusing you. It’s not you honey, it’s him entirely.
Stay strong darling, keep on going No Contact, this is the only way forward. Focus on your own wellbeing, be kind to yourself.
Sending you strength and hugs 💕💪
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For one, IF these men had a conscience to begin with, any empathy going on it wouldn’t take all this or anyone prodding them to see when they were being abusive. A real man would have seen immediately and while apologizing in words would have done it in actions all on his own. And you need to seriously stop assigning to yourself as the guilty person for how he has chosen to be. We don’t have that kind of power anyways. That would make you a highly manipulative and abusive person yourself and you’re not that. Again, you are wearing who he is. And it’s working so don’t do that, okay?
You are on the outside looking in now with his supposed glorious life and his “new him thing” going on. But you know that’s not true, you do. You used to be there. It won’t last. He’s grooming her to kneel.
Instead of asking all these questions that are actually “serving him” by doing so, serve yourself and pat yourself on the back that you got away from him!!! Don’t dwell on all of this, it’s not healthy for you. It’s like getting away from being fed poison all the time but you keep a little baggie full of it in your pocket and munch on it here and there. You can throw that baggie in the bin now. They change so quickly because that’s how they get what they want by being fake and charming and a chameleon. It’s his M.O. so see it for what it is and stay away from it. Even in your thoughts just say to yourself no, no, and no, not going there. I know what I experienced, I know who he is and I’m not buying so not entertaining any of these thoughts either. Deal?
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