I'm back and more lost than ever

[Starmoon]

I want to keep it short and sweet but it’s not really. Ive known him since I was younger but we met again (detail removed by Moderator) years ago. Everything happened fast, I thought he was the love of my life and he told me I was his. I got pregnant after (detail removed by Moderator) months (not planned). He seemed perfect. We were having twins but There was complications and the day after we had it confirmed we were losing them he ended it with me. There was more complications with the miscarriage and I nearly died. He did come back to me saying it was a blip. I forgave him. He got a job (detail removed by Moderator) I stayed with him. Then (detail removed by Moderator) and I went over to him. So many things didn’t add up and when I questioned him he abandoned me and my daughter for (detail removed by Moderator) days over there with no money and no phone, but he had a way of making me feel it was my fault. The day I went home he proposed to me and stupidly I said yes. He moved back home and I got pregnant again, then he got a job (detail removed by Moderator) hours away from where we lived. He wanted me to move there but I didn’t want to go- he went without me and we tried to make it work. He came home again when the job didn’t work out but that’s when things got worse, accusing me of cheating (despite being pregnant), telling me I had to have my phone on loud or i was being secretive, reading all my emails and texts. He smashed up my phone, pushed me about… Every time he twisted things and I blamed myself.. Understood why he acted the way he did. on one occasion I called the police. he insisted it was only ever me who made him so angry. So many times he left me and then came back saying he’d made a mistake. He lied about so much and non of it added up. Things would be so amazing between us and I’d never felt love like it but then it would change in an instant and he’d make out that being with me was hell and that he’d hated every second of our time together. He had me totally convinced I was mad and that I had issues. At (detail removed by Moderator) months pregnant I had a major brake down and truly believed I was the cause of all our problems… I now have traits of border line personality disorder… I don’t know if that was there before him or he caused it. I was grateful he stayed with me. We now have a (detail removed by Moderator) week old baby. (detail removed by Moderator) ago I was in bed feeding our baby when he came up stairs- We’d had yet another disagreement a few hours before and I’d gone up to bed to try and let things settle. We’d got into a text discussion and he’d been getting more and more irate because I apparently didn’t understand him-. When he came in, he was aggressive and intimidating, I was repeatedly asking him to calm down but he wouldn’t. I was tempted to call the police but decided to record him in the hope that if he heard himself back, he’d realize how awful he sounded. It was the first time I’d ever done it and for some reason he realized what I was doing.
He grabbed my phone and deleted it. It was all pretty scary after that but eventually he left. We had a wedding booked and paid for in (detail removed by Moderator)– which isn’t happening now.
We’re over yet again and I’m left picking up the pieces with two children while he is acting like I never mattered and splashing our business all over fb to total strangers. He totally insists that he’s never lost his temper with anyone but me. He says that he’s never been in this situation before. My heads spinning, I’m exhausted.. I can’t look at our baby in the same way as I did and I’ve said on a number of occasions that he should have her because I’m not capable of looking after her anymore. I don’t feel I should even be here anymore

[Savingmyself]

Wow you have been with a horrid abuser please don’t every think of giving your baby to him . He really sounds like a N********t. None of this is about you it’s him he will do this to any women he is with
Please protect yourself and babies from him
You have had a real lucky escape to see his true self before you got married to him
The only way you will move on from him and start to feel well if you go no contact do not call him or reply to him at all if he wants to see baby make him see him at at a social service contact centre he will not go
Please call the help line here they will give you food advice support and help
Only being no contact with him will let you heal from his unhealthy crazy making behaviour
Every one here will support you too
I am so sorry he has hurt you so much please do not let him back in your life as it will happen again and it will take longer for you and your children to heal from his abuse
Please post as much as you can and get all the help you can to stay away from this horrible abuser
Big hugs x*x

[Savingmyself]

Good advice *

[Starmoon]

Thank you so much for your reply. I used to use this sight last year but after my brake down I genuinely believed I’d been wrong in thinking he’s an abuser. After the latest episode he’s moved his things out and tells me that I left him with no choice, that I will just never understand him. And I’m left totally broken with no idea what’s rite or wrong

[Savingmyself]

Hey Hun
It is very much abuse do not doubt your self
Please call the helpline and get all the support you can
You will feel better talking it all out with someone
Do you have family around to help you ? Are you safe from him right now
You and your babies are precious
Look at his actions not his words and it all becomes clear
You need some space and peace your a strong women who has been through so much
You don’t need to go through no more with him he means you no good
No abuser mine included means us good
Keep posting and we will all support you on here and understand
Big big hugs to you x*x

[Starmoon]

I don’t feel I have any choice but to let him have her.. My head is such a mess I don’t even believe he is an abusive man I’m just weak and messed up. Not able to see the world from a normal perspective.. Not able to see things like normal people which leads to infuriating everyone around me. After our baby was born I was happy and felt content yet still I got things wrong and pushed him. I thought I at least was able to reflect on the things I got wrong and that eventually with help from the mental health team I would be able to behave like a normal person but that help hasn’t come fast enough and I’ve lost him. I know this is the wrong place to be posting this but I don’t know where els to turn. My love for my own baby is conditional… What sort of an evil person does that make me. I knew if I didn’t get him back- that I wouldn’t have been able to give birth to her and bond with her. And now he’s gone again all I can do is go with the motions, I’m ashamed but I feel nothing for her. I want him to take her (detail removed by Moderator).

[Savingmyself]

Hi Hun
You are being so hard on your self , you never pushed him he keeps on doing this to you when you most need support its his pattern it is not you
You will never ever win with an abuser .they can make you believe up is down and left is right ..it is not you its him
You have just had a baby and your hormones are all over the place
Have you got any family helping you ?
He is not a good dad a good dad would never hit his child’s mum and leave her to struggle taking your things
Please believe me that he is enjoying hurting you and you need to protect you and your precious baby’s . He will come back to you only to do this to you again . Please don’t let him back in

Big big hugs to you x*x

[Savingmyself]

Please also Google trauma bonding x*x

[Marthamoo]

Hi What you have been through sounds like absolute hell and there is no wonder you are left feeling numb. I don’t want to speak out of turn but have you thought that you may be suffering form a bit of post natal depression. Can you talk to your health visitor about how you are feeling. It is totally normal for women with depression to feel numb towards their babies. It isn’t you and it doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby. You just need a little help to find the light again. I suffered from post natal depression but mine came much later. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Your little girl needs you, not her abusive father. You are the most important person in her life and don’t let your partner tell you otherwise. You are brave women and a fantastic mum. Reach out for support from healthcare professionals. They won’t judge you. They are there to help. Big hugs x*x

[Confused123]

\Hey hun

Its not u, if his never been in realtionship like that with any one else,is prob lying, but u should think who is he to make u doubt yourself, he is the one confusing u, in normal relationships men dont do things like that, they show u respect, he clearly cant do that so hardest bit is staying away, ask yourself why u would want to be with some one like that, the fact that u care for him is not answer, dont mean to be harsh but these r questions that were ask to me and i just thought i dont know, when he beats me up i think i dont love u,in fact even told him i dont love him when was with him, but when i walk away i craved him so badly, had to write down all positive and negative things about him, there was only one positive , u can do this hun, i too when i had my second child was so exhausted i couldnt bond with him, theres nothing wrong with u, in time u will bond with your child, talk to your mid wife and gp explain how u feel , get support and mention how your partner treats u

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