I’m broken and devastated

[Put the kettle on]

My now ex is continuing to gaslight me telling me I did or said things I know I didn’t do. He’s saying it’s all my fault. He’s putting all the blame on me, he’s been withdrawing affection, really nasty and moody with me, throwing stuff, shouting, he calls other women names and bad mouths his exs but goes back to them.

He’s cheated on me and he’s saying that’s my fault, I didn’t do x, y or z.

I don’t know what to do I’m devastated

[Put the kettle on]

Anyone?

[Bopbop11]

I really feel for you , ive had years of the same but trying really hard to stick to not going back this time. Ive been looking to post but can’t work out how to could you help at all please x

[Lisa]

Hi Bopbop11,

You can find guidance on how to post in our Survivors’ Forum FAQs under the section “Post a new topic”. I’m also sending you a private message about this.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Bananaboat]

Hello, this is tough, but you’re not alone. Abusers have to be the victim. They’ll twist the truth to whoever will listen to make you the bad guy. There’s no point trying to defend yourself because he’ll never allow himself to believe it and secondly, you’re giving him a reaction. I don’t know your story but it’s also common for them to be nasty to try to get us to break and go back to them. Stay strong, YOU know the truth. You’ll also learn who are your true friends/support by who believes him, as much as it might hurt you don’t need people who stand with him in your life. Keep reading up on abuse and the more you learn, the more you recognise and the stronger you’ll slowly but surely become. You got this, you’ll come out stronger in the end while he’ll keep repeating the same patterns forever more.

[Put the kettle on]

Thank you for your reply. I’ve noticed he wants a reaction from me, I’ve gone no contact with him now and am reaching out to my friends.

[Hereforhelp]

Hiya Put the kettle on, going no contact was the only way myself and children could start the recovery journey… it is so brave of you to reach out to friends, I hope they are understanding and supportive.
Bananaboat is right, he will be playing the victim, they all do.
Keep posting ❤️
HfH

[Starmoon]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.. it’s so common for them to blame us.. and when we’re really deep into it all.. everything seems to consuming, feeling like everyone believes them.
In my experience, not everyone does- even if it feels that way. There will always be flying monkeys, but a lot of people can see what’s going on, even if they don’t speak up xx

[Put the kettle on]

Thanks for your replies.

I’m absolutely heartbroken that he’s cheated. He’s back with her, I don’t blame her at all it’s on him. He’s still blaming me.

I’m doing terrible at no contact, it’s so difficult when he’s been my constant for however long. I know I need to try really hard to stay no contact as I’m just feeding his ego and prolonging my own pain.

I’m at such a low

[Author]

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