I’m confused.

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Morning! I hope you are all doing ok?

I’m feeling quite confused and overwhelmed today. I reported my ex parter recently to the police for assault and other reasons. The process is proving to be quite slow with the police. He has been (detail removed by moderator) . I haven’t heard anything for about (detail removed by moderator), until this morning. I haven’t given an official statement yet and they wanted my (detail removed by moderator) for evidence but haven’t had it yet. The officer asked me if I still wanted to proceed? When I first reported it, the police made me feel like this was the right choice and they had taken it out of my hands due to the severity of it.

Since his interview and now them asking if I want to proceed, I’m starting to worry if I’m going to be believed, if I’m overreacting or if I need to do this?

I’m so confused. I’m back to worrying about him and how this will effect his life, do I miss him or want to talk to him about it? Wondering if I can back out or should? And then I go back to, no I need to do this. I’m all over the shop.

Is this normal?

Sorry for the early morning post. Xx

[Lisa]

Hello Tenerifeseaoth,

That sounds like a difficult call to have had from the police. It sounds like some unsureness or uncertainty has been caused by being presented with the option of not proceeding.

If you put aside your concerns around him and his life, do you want to proceed? Try to keep in mind that it’s because of his own actions and choices that he is facing charges and he needs to be held accountable, you are not to blame for the fact he is in this position.

Your worries around being believed or being made to feel as if you are overreacting are understandable, as so many people are still uninformed about the dynamics and reality of domestic abuse. Do you have any support from a domestic abuse service at all? You can find your local service here.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Hi Lisa,

Thank you for your reply. There has definitely been some confusion and uncertainty created because of it. I’ve spent the day trying to work through it and wonder what the next step should be.

I’ve had a few conversations with family/friends to help talk through it. If I think about it without his feelings involved, I know I need to proceed and I have informed the police I’d like to do so.

It’s all a very scary process, with a massive rollercoaster of emotions. I am in the process of getting support from a domestic abuse service (waiting list).

Thank you,
Take care,
(Detail removed by moderator)

[longjourneylife]

Personally had the same. It’s all part of the process, a process that no one can really tell you about, because each case is different. It’s incredibly difficult, but you will find yourself coming to the right point/ conclusion and understanding more of how and why things go a certain way…sorry not much of a response, but just have faith in yourself, you’ve reported it for good reason, it’s not an easy thing to do and it’s natural to feel bad about it, you’re a good person. He’ll make you feel guilty, it’s part of the control, just remember, you didn’t do anything wrong. I wished this wasnt my life now, but it is and at least I’m not dying anymore…I’m starting to speak out more and more, which does help instead of running through things in my head (hearing his voice!). Keep posting and we are all here, supporting you , hugs x

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