I’m having a bad day

[Daisy Fairydust]

I’ve (detail removed by moderator) had to walk out and leave my kids at home with my eldest making sure their dinner is ok.
My O/H has just had a massive go at me for not making his dinner, he’ll have to fend for himself. I couldn’t be arsed making dinner for everyone (detail removed by moderator) so I’m having (detail removed by moderator) and the kids are having something dead easy in the oven.
He moaned about having to go to the shops as there’s nothing in – there’s loads in. I then gave in and asked what he wanted I’d cook it, what I suggested wasn’t good enough. He called me a (detail removed by moderator).
I had to get out the house. He does not see what he is doing to me.

 

[Lottieblue]

Ok.
I have done this before.
I’ve walked out and left the kids preparing their (and their father’s) meal. I was very shaken by his behaviour.
I have constant moans that there’s nothing in (that he wants).
I’ve had him get in the car and drive to a supermarket at (detail removed by moderator) after he’s had a decent dinner, because what he wanted to have afterwards wasn’t there. It didn’t mean that much to him he just really wanted to show me how badly I’d failed.

I am still in this marriage but really close to calling time. But I’ve learnt stuff along the way.
If he calls you to find out where you are don’t pick up. Do not be running to him every time he reckons you should be there. A professional told me this so go with it.

And the other thing is, next time you look at him, look at him knowing that he is an abuser. He is a s**t. He is SO like my abuser. They are all nasty mean pieces of work.
Do you have a plan to get out? Are you working on one?

How dare they treat us like this? How dare they?

 

[Daisy Fairydust]

Hi Lottieblue

I’m working with WA to get out but I’m on a waiting list for refuge in my area.
I’ve came home, he’s gone out so to save another argument I made him something. He’s left it and gone out to buy something. Even though there is stuff here.
I feel I get constantly asked where I’m going, where did I go and who did I meet.
It’s so unfair on my kids.
I am at the point now where I’m wondering if I should go to the police. It’s not physical but everything else is just getting me down. I’m at such a low ebb.
My eldest told me they were so close to screaming at him and that he’s nasty!
You are both right, he is!
Xx

[Daisy Fairydust]

Hi Lottieblue

I’m working with WA to get out but I’m on a waiting list for refuge in my area.
I’ve came home, he’s gone out so to save another argument I made him something. He’s left it and gone out to buy something. Even though there is stuff here.
I feel I get constantly asked where I’m going, where did I go and who did I meet.
It’s so unfair on my kids.
I am at the point now where I’m wondering if I should go to the police. It’s not physical but everything else is just getting me down. I’m at such a low ebb.
My eldest told me they were so close to screaming at him and that he’s nasty!
You are both right, he is!
Xx

[Freshwaterlilly]

Hi
Yes me too I have waited months for the CPS to charge my husband for stalking and harassment he’s made my life a misery I’ve had to take antidepressants and
sleeping tablets I have panic attacks
The officer in my case phoned me today and just told me the cps are unlikely to charge as they feel that there is not enough to charge Iam sick to my stomach of what he will now do
The police have let me down the CPS have let me down the system let’s us down
no one has asked me how this has affected me absolutely nothing from the police Iam just left to pick up the pieces of my shattered life
The system has continually let me down like it does so many of us

[Eggshells]

Hi Freshwaterlilly,

You sound as though you are utterly without hope and I can completely understand that. How is he getting access to you? I’m guessing you’ve blocked him from everything so he must be physically finding you? If he continues to harass you, please keep recordings, records, everything so that even the CPS is satisfied.

I had an utterly shocking insight into the law when I approached a judge I know about the evidence I had of coercive control and rape. The law, sadly, is not about justice; it is about prosecutability. The CPS has to weigh up the possible costs of a court case against a) Public interest and b) the likelyhood that a jury would judge him to be guilty.

Sadly, the public at large just don’t understand abuse well enough to get a favourable result for you. They need evidence that they can see for themselves. Hence, if he continues to harass you, collect the evidence.

I recommend that you go back to the police officer who has been dealing with your case and ask what evidence you do need to get the CPS to take the case. You shouldn’t be having to live like this.

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