I’m new and feeling alone

[Unsupported]

I left an abusive relationship in (month removed by Moderator). I had to get the police involved as he refused to leave me alone. (legal detail removed by Moderator).
I’m struggling with numb emotions and then being overwhelmed with grief. It’s incredibly stressful as he is claiming I abused him and although the police have charged him, they have to investigate his allegations. So far nothing has happened but there’s a constant threat that I’ll have to be interviewed. He tried to get me to back out because he said he’d make sure I was arrested. (legal detail removed by Moderator).
I’ve tried to get help from the local domestic abuse hub but they don’t offer therapy. I did their online workbook though. I tried talking therapies and they said I’m on a waitlist for etherapy for anxiety and depression. I’ve been on the list since November and they said it’s another 4-5 months. They won’t offer counselling until I’ve attended the etherapy. I work for the (employer removed by Moderator) and they said I need specialist therapy for domestic abuse but they can’t offer that. I spoke with my uni counselling service (I’m going a part time (course removed by Moderator)) and they said the same.
I don’t know where to get help.
I’m working as I work from home mainly, and I just play a role at work and pretend it’s not happening. Out of work I struggle. I have bad dreams and am awake all the time. I know I should do more but I can’t face normal things. I used to be social but I don’t want to do anything.
I’m scared of going to court. I’m scared he’ll get off and have it in for me. I’m scared even if he does get convicted he’ll be vengeful and want to hurt me after he’s served his sentence.
He’s incredibly charming and manipulative. He’s not allowed in (legal detail removed by Moderator) but he advertises for work here every week. He’s so sneaky, he knows how to get to me without breaking the law. (legal detail removed by Moderator) he has a new girlfriend who he met while he was with me. We were together (number removed by Moderator) years. He lied all the way through. He conned his way into my home & life then kept me as his hostage and refused to let me leave him. I tried many times but he wouldn’t leave me alone and would threaten me. That’s why I had to get the police involved. I’d had a (operation removed by Moderator) and he was drinking again so I told him to leave which he did as is my house that he never paid anything for as he reacted a room / flat when we were together once I realised he was an alcoholic. He had about (number removed by Moderator) months sober in AA the chaos would star again but even when he wasn’t drinking he was lying. He pretended to be lovely. He pretended to care but he never cared for me. He wanted my life and be as his property to provide a lovely life for him.
I feel so alone. I was supposed to go away to my parents caravan this weekend but I couldn’t face it. I have (number removed by Moderator) daughters in their early (age removed by Moderator) and they’re struggling too. I just want it to end but I can’t see it ever ending

[Allornothing]

Hi Unsuppoted, I am sorry to hear you are going through this, it is all so stressful.

Have the police put you in touch with Victim Support or an IDVA?  If not, would you feel comfortable contacting the police and asking them to refer you?  I had an ISA who helped me so much, she made my feelings feel validated and supported me in offering advice and even contacted the officer in charge of my case to give them guidance.  Have you been offered a place on the Freedom Programme?  I attended through my local Women’s Centre so perhaps you can have a look into that?  Depending on where you live will depend on what resources are available.  I found that when I started contacting places, I was sign posted to other places and ended up with quite a bit of support from different charities.

It is a very long process and everyone’s experiences are different.  Mine was successful with an order put in place (breached a few times) but I do feel I have the support of the police, even my last call the officer reminded me that a leopard never changes his spots and to report if anything further happens and they will get him back in front of the judge. Saying that, I know my local station has implemented a lot of resources with regards to DA but not every county has the same.

Stay strong for you and your girls, you will get through this but you do need support.  Doing the courses helps us educate ourselves and also gives you an opportunity to know that you are not alone.

Sending you lots of love xx

[EvenSerpentsShine]

I’m still in the middle of this and feel like you, I’m scared of what he might do. He has no limits, and no moral compass as far as I can see. He won’t stop at sabotaging my life.

I try to be kind to myself. I have put a social life to one side for now. I won’t let it be  just another thing I beat myself up about. I’ve decided to accept that this relationship has destroyed everything, and decided not to blame myself for that. Same with another relationship. I’ve just parked it. I don’t beat myself up about it. I have low expectations at this time and that helps me feel ok.

I’m focusing only on protecting myself from him, and earning a living. Only those 2 things for me.
Every small success makes me stronger and each time I feel less scared of him, and have more of an appetite to take him on.

At first I believed all his threats and I was scared. As time moves on I see so many lies and so much b*ll***t. He’s just out and out lied to scare me and stop me from standing up to him.
He tells me the police have said things to him about my behaviour. When I say I’ll talk to the police about that he starts to change the story.

Im having to just pull on my big girls pants and be brave. I’ll let you know how it goes!

 

[Author]

Posts