I’m new and just need some support!

[Whitehorses]

Hi new here and just need some friendly support/advice.
I have been with my partner a while and married for a couple of years now. When we first got together I started to notice his jealousy and anger after just a few months (punching walls, shutting me outside, checking up on me etc). I decided to leave but eventually went back to him! Things were then good for a long time and then it all went down hill again! It’s now the worst it’s been I think and I’m thinking about leaving! I have no friends left as he makes it difficult for me to socialise and checks my phone all the time. He has control over who I can be friend with on social media and has now turned nasty against my family. His temper is bad and he is always checking where i am and accusing me of singing and talking to other men – which I don’t! He even waits outside the bathroom door listening in case I’m up to no good! It’s got really bad now! He has been violent in the past pushing me on the tiles and we even had an argument once and he punched me in the head. I was in a bad way and threatened to leave but he said he would never do it again and he hasn’t yet.
As I said I am considering leaving, I’m not ready to just yet I don’t think but I’m starting to realise it’s worth making plans in case I need to leave quickly. The only problem is I used to work and he bullied me into leaving my job so I have no income of my own and he controls all the money which makes things a bit tricky.
Anyway I just thought I would start by sharing here to see if anyone can give me some advice and/or just some positive words.
Much love x

[freedomtochoose]

Hey lovely, lots of us have been there,
I’m in the middle of a really bad head cold at the moment but my advice and support would be contact WA. You are in the right place here. us lovely ladies will help you through.
all best
ftc
x

[Lisa]

Hi Whitehorses,

Welcome to the forum. I hope you find it a supportive place to be.

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. This man sounds very controlling, sounds like he dominates the relationship with his abuse and intimidation. You mentioned you are thinking about leaving, it may be worth looking into your options and making a safety plan.

You could call the National Domestic Violence Helpline to talk this through. You can contact them on 0808 2000 247, they are available 24/7.

You could also contact your local domestic abuse service who can help you to make a plan to leave.

These men never change and he will continue to be abusive. Your safety is the most important thing.

Take care and keep posting

Best Wishes,

Lisa

[Whitehorses]

Thankyou, I will start looking into making a plan to leave and will ring WA for a chat when I can xxxxx

[Anabela]

Hello Dear 🙂 I am glad you found this forum as it has been a massive help for me. So Welcome to the forum!!
I can’t give much advise on the practicalities of leaving with financial constraints as my situation was a bit different. But the main thing I want to say. Never mention to him that you are planning on leaving and don’t say it to him face to face when you do leave. He has been violent before, he has anger issues, it might escalate when he realises he is loosing you. Even if you think he is in a good mood, or harmless or been violent long time ago… I have done that mistake and it escalated. So keep yourself safe 🙂

Everything starts with a realization and confirmation to yourself that you have to leave at some point. So you have made the first and very important step. And now baby steps will follow – with planning in your head, and preparing yourself. Phone women’s aid once you get a chance. Especially if you haven’t told people about your situation. The more you talk about it, the easier it gets. At least it was for me. I wish you could read “Why does he do that” as I reached out to this book whenever I needed comfort or confirmation in weak moments that no, it is not my fault. no, he is not going to change even if he says he will. But don’t keep that kind of book in a house.

And keep posting and reading this forum. Women here are just absolutely amazing, friendly and non judgmental.

Hugs.

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

Welldone for taking the first step, i can only repeat what the ladies have said above, you mentioned your not working.does he give any money for food shopping or clothes, i would start keeping some of that aside for emergency money for when u do leave , just to help u get in to refguee, and from there u can start seeing whaat beenfits your entitiled to, call the support line and ask for the agencies that can help you , and make a plan in advance

[Whitehorses]

hanks everyone for your positive words! I will look into calling WA for a chat.
Hi confused 123 unfortunately I get no money at all! I write a list and He gets the food shopping and if I really need something he will buy it or come with me! He will never let me have his card so I really don’t have anything!
I feel like some days when he is in a good mood we have a nice time and then I think I’m stupid for thinking about leaving but then he will turn again and be his usual controlling person and start putting me down again and being nasty.
Anyway thanks for listening ladies
Xxxxxx

[Author]

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