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Hi. I’ve just recently left my partner after trying for so many years to be strong enough to not be manipulated into taking him back.
Life right now is a struggle, I’ve had some terrible things said and done to me and I’m a shell of who I once was. Right now my brain doesn’t seem to work too well, it’s foggy and muddled and I feel like it’s trying to forget the abuse and trauma.
I still have moments of thinking he might get help and change but I’m fully aware that it’s trauma bonding and I need to stay strong.
I just don’t know if I’ll ever be the old me again. I still live in fear that he’s let me go too easily and he is planning revenge of some sort.
Waking up every day, knowing I never have to be abused or humiliated, live in fear of what the day will hold or what I will do wrong, is a good feeling.
I’m physically exhausted and mentally broken, I can’t tidy my house or manage work too well and I’m just wondering if this will go? Thanks -
Hi Sunnyskys2,
Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. I’m sorry to hear about your situation.
It can be really hard to break free from an abusive relationship- you have mentioned the ongoing abuse you endured and the exhaustion that causes.
Be kind to yourself- you have only just left and it sounds like your brain is still trying to process the trauma and what you have survived. Hold on to that feeling that you don’t have to wake up and live in fear and under his control.
You are incredibly brave and you may need time to heal but thats okay and you deserve that time and compassion for yourself.
You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at Bloom. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.
Take care and keep posting
Lisa
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