I’m not coping

[RaindropsOnRoses]

I had a really awful set of memories resurface recently along with the realisation that they were actually rape via manipulation and him incessantly demanding until I said yes. I previously thought it was consensual sex and I had just been making bad decisions to have sex even when I didn’t want to just to make him happy.

I have not been coping with this. I’ve had about two weeks now of being completely unable to do anything. I have exams I can’t revise for, I have doctors’ appointments I’m only remembering to book when my mum calls to check up on me, I’ve been sleeping 16 hours a day, and I’ve become addicted to nicotine and weed.

[Anonymous]

Maybe stay off the substances I know you think they’re helping but they’re not not in the long term.It is a horrible realisation (it’s one of the worse anyone can go through) to be honest if I had had exams during my realising I don’t know how I would have managed.can you re-sit them?this is an awful time and an extra pressure to an already existing one, maybe speak to s.a.r.c or the rape crisis line or even women’s aid, but you do need to speak to someone.Coercive control has this way of making you give into things you know you don’t want yet end up going along with, it’s a really hard thing to explain to someone unless they know the name or have been through it, it’s also a crime he can now be arrested for (I don’t know how you’ve feel about that and I’m not here to pressurise)but now you’ve become aware you will need some support, maybe speak to a lady dr or nurse (mine was really understanding with this)🧡🤗🧡

[Eggshells]

Hi Raindropsonroses

This is a really difficult time for you. Processing this experience can be very traumatising – sometimes more so than the rapes felt traumatising at the time.

You have used the word “rape” and just writing or saying that word is incredibly difficult when the rapes are something that happened to you. You have shown such strength to begin to discuss this.

There is help available. Auriel has already mentioned some organisations that can help you. There are more which your GP should be able to help you access.

Whatever your educational institution, there should be some help for you through your exams. If it’s university then all will have their own access arrangements or dispensations. Please do contact student services to see what they can do for you.

Try to take this slowly and with specialist help. It sounds like it is overwhelming you at the moment. Please don’t try to process this alone.

Sending hugs. xx

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