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Oh my word you wonderful ladies I am finally ready in my head to leave I’m just waiting on the right time (😬) but why is it when you are ready and you don’t let them get to you they one day behave and another make little digs like (detail removed by moderator) when you haven’t even said anything 🤷🏻♀️ Or do what what you want lol oh it makes me sick that they get away with this all the time ❤️
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Amazing news, good luck! I know what you mean about their behaviour and it could be that now you’re wiser about abuse you’re just noticing more. Or if you’ve changed by not tolerating so much of his nonsense, that he’s picking up even subtle clues and adapting his tactics to keep you hooked in. Stay strong, this next bit is a rollercoaster but the escape is worth it xx
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Thank you so much, it’s been a struggle to get here I will be honest and acceptance was hard. I honestly am just focusing on finally being free and getting me back. You are so it right it will be worth all the pain and anxious feelings. He can change his tactics as much as he wants I feel nothing towards him his words are just that words (is it wrong I actually smile when he starts) I couldn’t have got to this place without all your lovely help and advice so thank you and I know you all will get me through the next stage x*x thank you all x x x
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Well done Mellow that’s amazing that you too have got to that point! X are you looking at private renting or going for council house? I’m not quite at that stage I need to actually tell him I’m done x I felt it was last Friday I was so sure but then there was a death in his family so that got put to the side but it will happen!!!!!
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Oh how i love reading these posts.
I am so pleased that you are now feeling ready.
You deserve a hapoy life one full of hope and peace. Reach out get as much help as possible for your journy ahead good luck you brave ladies amd if you can let us know how you gwt on.
Sending hugs x-
Ahhhh thank you of course you will be the first place I let know as the help you all give is how I am in this headspace right now. I know it will happen and I’m excited I also know it will be a struggle but one that has so much gain for myself and my children. Never give up hope as we will get there x I have just done 30 mins exercise 😳 I mean that NEVER happens lol ha ha plus he will hate it if I lose weight 🤭 that in itself is enough of a reason to keep it up!
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It dosent matter if you tell them they don’t accept it that’s how their mind works for me anyhow all boundaries get overstepped obviously if you let it which I did but I know in my head I’m going I’m trying to get council but it’s hard there are only 3 houses a week and a million others wanting it a nightmare they are no private houses in my budget
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I completed the initial forms, stated dv but got classed as lowest band. I phoned council and was told I needed to make a separate homeless application, I then got placed in a higher band so it’s worth speaking to them. It is a slow process but it gave me hope of a way out, plus they talked through all the other help available to help with private renting too. x
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Ah thank you that’s handy to know x I can’t wait I’m so excited I’m sure that’s the only thing keeping me going at the moment. I will try the council when I get to it but I live in a small place so I doubt they will have a lot I can do private just about with help for deposit and a cousin has offered to help also so that’s good I’m getting there that’s the main thing x x x
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I was reading up on it and it’s best not to tell but it’s too late for me he’s given me all the manipulation to go with it
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@Mellow it’s not too late for you he just probably thinks you’ve changed your mind but you haven’t cos you still want to leave
⛅️🌤☀️
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Yes newgirl domestic abuse classes you as homeless as in its making it impossible for you to stay there, I’m so glad your ready to leave, tactics are don’t tell them your plans, act as normal, prepare what you need to take, make sure they’re out, I’m not sure if you have a support worker but maybe police assistance (if your afraid he’ll be back)ask women’s aid to put alarms up in the new place also change your number and avoid any info on social media of where you are, well done for choosing you and gaining your power back 🏋🏻♀️👍🏻❤️
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Thank you lovely x mine is more emotional abuse so I don’t think he will physically hurt me. We basically live separate lives in the same house but with the little digs and controlling behaviours more so when he has had a drink which is every night. We both know the relationship is over but we are waiting for the other to say it! Personally I want to have that conversation with him and then go as he then knows it’s done. In a way I am lucky as he isn’t physical it’s all mind games but I have sorted my mind so he can’t carry on it doesn’t stop him trying. That conversation is just round the corner once that happens I’m out and free and can work on fixing the worthlessness and constantly apologising even tho I have done nothing wrong the anxious attachment the trust and many other things xxxxx
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Well done emotional abuse is still damaging though it can cause some serious self esteem issues when used with gaslighting and coerciveness watch he doesn’t manipulate you into staying though cos you did mention trauma bonds. when you leave pleeeeeeeease put it in positive moments (I so love those getting out posts) it might bring hope to those still in (or those reading from the outside) I forget there’s people reading from the outside, could help those too, take care, hope your morning and day goes well 🧡❣️🧡
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Ah thank you and of course x when I manage to get out I would love to support others as honestly the help here has been nothing short of a Miracle x the self esteem is rock bottom and that’s what I will need to build upon once out x he has left lots of scars but I can do this (I keep telling myself that) x I feel strong in my head at the moment and I’m enjoying that while it lasts these moments have been rare and even tho I am not out yet I can see my future that’s the focus for now x I’m building strength x x x hope you have an amazing day and thank you so much for your message x
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Hi Newgirl
It’s nice to see you have so much support. You are doing really well and I hope everything works out for you. It’s totally your choice how you plan to leave but I just wanted to make you aware that the abuse can sometimes escalate when you try to leave.
You could always chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service to make a safety plan or have a read of our safety planning information here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/making-a-safety-plan/
Take care and please keep posting to let us know how you are,
Lisa
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I said (detail removed by moderator) on the form but need to be accessed I’ve got a job interview aswell
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