I’m really unhappy

[Incognitohuman]

Please don’t read this if you are thinking of leaving. While I’ve had a bad experience I still believe leaving is the best thing to do and I don’t want to put anyone off.

I left my abusive home over (timeframe removed by Moderator) ago and it has been hell every day since. I very much did not want to leave and I regret asking for help. My IDVA was a bully who made me cry each time I spoke to her, has forced me to move miles away from my friends and family to an area I had never been to before and I do not know anyone who lives here. The level of abuse I was experiencing was not to the point where it was necessary for me to move this far away. My abuser has not stalked me, harassed me etc. My abuser is a parent and they wanted me to leave. Since living by myself I had a breakdown and lost my job, I now live on benefits which for me is my nightmare and I feel so ashamed. I don’t go outside, I am scared all of the time, more so than when I was living with abuse. I have days so bad that I can’t leave my bedroom and go in the other rooms of my home. I’ve tried to end my life more than once, started self harming, stopped taking care of myself, developed an eating disorder, and I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel as though I live in a prison and am being punished for being a victim. That’s without the antisocial behaviour I’ve experienced from my neighbour who regularly smashes up their home, keeps me awake with their shouting and swearing, leaves their bath running and has damaged my things by water coming through the ceiling. I’ve been told nothing can be done about this because of my neighbours mental health issues (I struggle with my mental health too so I do sympathise and I’ve done a lot to try to help my neighbour but it has made my mental health worse). I’ve been asking to relocate closer to my support system and keep being told it is not possible for safety reasons but if I can’t cope then I need to move back in with my abuser. Each time I’ve asked for help I’ve been told that I’m not trying hard enough, that it’s my fault I feel this way etc. How could anyone cope with being moved away from everyone that they know to an area they’ve never been to before? I lost my job by moving and I started another one and I could not cope with all of the changes. I’ve cried every single day since I left over v(timeframe removed by Moderator) ago. I feel more and more depressed every day.

Lots of people have told me that I don’t mean this but I honestly do. I wish I hadn’t left. I would go back in a heart beat. Yes I was living in a horrible situation but the way that I live now is worse. It’s so, so much worse.

[Lisa]

Hi Incognitohuman,

Thank you for sharing with us. I am sorry to read that you are having such a difficult time at the moment and it is understandable why you’re feeling so low, domestic abuse can often have a huge impact on our mental and physical health. Sometimes the memory of what you endured and the difficulties of starting a new life can make you feel as if you are not healing. I am sorry to hear of your experience with your IDVA too, that must have been really distressing.

Do you have support from other agencies currently? I wanted to give you details of some services who may be able to support you further- apologies if you have already had contact with them.

Victim Support are an independent charity supporting victims of crime and traumatic incidents, they have a support line (0808 16 89 111) and live chat service.

Shelter can discuss your housing rights and options, they offer free and confidential housing information, support and legal advice on all housing and homelessness issues. They have a live chat service, and a helpline available on 0808 800 44 44 (8am-8pm weekdays, 9am-5pm weekends).

Depression Alliance– 0845 123 23 20- operate a telephone referral line to access regional support for people affected by depression. They offer local support with a national network of self-help groups for people to share experiences and coping strategies with others in similar situations.

You could also contact the Samaritans 24 hours a day if you need to talk to someone about your feelings. You can call them by dialling 116 123, which is a Freephone number from landlines or a mobile phone or via their live chat (currently a pilot service). You can also e-mail them at jo@samaritans.org

Keep posting to us when you can, we are here to support you.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[InShock]

Sorry to hear what you’re going through. Sometimes I sometimes battle with thoughts that it would be better if I had stayed too. Domestic Abuse organisations tell us to leave with our children but then there is poor aftercare and we feel alone and isolated far away from what and who we know, lonelier than when we were in the relationship and so it’s a really critical time to be consistently supported after we leave. Then on top of everything else, family court doesn’t take us seriously enough. Police are slow to act. Our job suffers.

I feel your pain. I’m so sorry. Keep moving forward — it can’t get any worse, so hopefully it will only get better

[Author]

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