- This topic has 5 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 1 month ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
finding everything so hard to deal with. I can’t seem to pull myself together. I’m trying so hard to connect with my inner child but I’m doing it wrong, or I never get it right. I’m still in a place where I can make up a million and one excuses at to why my dad did what he did but not one reason to give myself a break. I’m trying to entice a kid out who in my own mind is a waste of f*****g space. I’m trying my best not to be negative about the kid but……i don’t know what is stopping me from being open about this. I’m open to everything I can do but I’m faking it and faking it but never making it. It’s destroying me inside.
-
If you could see that little girl now looking at you, looking sad and hurting what would the adult you do? You know what she’s been through. How would you help her? How would you comfort her and help to soothe her? Picture her now and help her because you know she needs it and you know she’s the most precious little girl in the world, no matter what anyone else has told her. xx
-
Eggshells, I was going to reply but your post says it all.
Freedomfries01- be kind to yourself. The child you were didn’t everybody punish her, why do you feel you have to do it too? This is such a terrible journey for many of us, a lot of serious soul searching going on. Remember it’s baby steps. You weren’t some lolita, though that’s another term made up by abusers to excuse their behaviour. You weren’t a bad evil wicked child. But what was done to you as a child was bad and wicked and evil.
You’re doing so well, be okay with not being okay.
Much love IWMB 💞💞 -
found a couple of photos of myself at different ages around that age I wasn’t so bad when I see the photographs I don’t think she was that bad. I normally talk to my mum a few times a day but I’m not even clocking that in a week at the moment. I’m too scared my dad will answer or I’ll hear his voice. I really miss her but anything to do with him might just set me back, I really don’t know.
Thanks so much for replying girls. This isn’t something that comes naturally to me at all. I can see how writing and talking to the child is helpful because it is. I’m just still stuck on it being so stupid. That is waning a wee bit (thankfully) but it’s really hard to get my head around doing it.
Before bed I wrote as an adult everything I remember happening to that little girl. Today maybe I should just do something that feels good, I don’t know what though. Nice things and kindness towards me (even from myself) make me so uncomfortable. It’s not nice if it makes me feel bad inside for doing it. -
@freedomfries1 , everytime ive done something that’s went against my oh it leaves me feeling drained. Sometimes it doesn’t happen for a few hours but it eventually sneaks in and I have to lie down and sleep. Just moving furniture from one place to the other, I think it’s fine, but it’s another step away from him, and those last remaining ties are so strong,but I seem stronger I’ll not wain. You’ll get there, everything had to be processed in our heads before we can take the next steps.
Best wishes IWMB 💞
-
Thanks IWMB 💖 I do feel so drained. I need a couple of sleeps in the day whilst I’m working on this. It knocks everything out of me!
I need to see what I’ve written but it was all raw emotion so I don’t know if I can. I’ll try my best I just feel like every time I get to the top of the hill I can see two more mountains in the distance 😢
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
