I’m trying to prepare myself for the immense guilt tripping

[Footballfan1]

I’ve been out a few months now.
Processed lots of different emotions.

I can feel the guilt sneaking up on me again, if it takes a hold, it will cripple me.

It’s because of Christmas.
Ex has nothing, no home, no contact with the kids.
He lost everything.
Deep down, I know it’s his behaviour that has cost him so dearly.
Another post on here made me realise that he has been mentally unwell for years.
Psychotic.
I know too that it isn’t my fault, but I honestly don’t think he realises how unwell he is.
I think its a combination of bad childhood/parents divorcing and smoking weed since he was a teenager.

He is paranoid of so many different things.
I only focused on his obsession with me, accusing me of affairs, delusional thoughts.
But he was also paranoid of other things, conspiracy theries, fbi out to get him etc..

He’s become obsessed with one of the children, it’s funny it’s only 1 of them.
I see the way he stares at him, my mum has seen it too.
Ex contacted me to say to me, do not contact him at all ever.
There was more c**p he said.
Funny thing is, I don’t contact him, he always contacts me.
He should stick to his own advice!!!
He’s said he won’t contact me or kids, they can ring him if they want.
I asked them if they want to ring dad, they both said no.
Sums it all up really.
He’s finally lost the one he was obsessed with, he’s scared him.
I have advice from domestic abuse and social services regarding dad’s behaviour and contact towards my 1 child.
I feel that I’ve been patient and understanding, and it’s ultimately paid off.
Instead of cutting phone contact, I policed it, recorded it, explained to child how wrong it was.
Off his own back he has decided to cut contact.
He’s not yet a teenager, and realised something was up.
I thought I’d feel elated by this, but I feel guilt and sadness knowing my ex has lost the only thing left in his life.
I do not believe he will leave us alone.
I’m waiting for him to escalate.

Sorry if this is so muddled, it’s all the thoughts that have been swirling around in my head for the last few days.
X*x

[Hereforhelp]

Hi Footballfan1, I can relate in the sense… both my 2 are teenagers , youngish teens, my husband had a terrible childhood, he takes medication for his MH…. He did see our 2 until he started escalating and that’s when one of mine said no more… that left the (detail removed by Moderator)… he carried on until husband did the same and my son saw through it (manipulation, grooming with gifts if he saw him.. it made me sick)…
Now we are all zero contact, husband did try to involve them which I cannot say on here…. I am so relieved myn2 see it, the abuse, manipulation all of it… mine .went quiet (and I was so scared) until he announced he had a new host (GF)… what I am trying to say is yes it is good your children understand, you sound a fab mum you really are… if your ex is lonely, depressed, ill or whatever he is a grown up who brought it on himself, professionals can help with mental health (Psychosis), he will be lonely if he decides to feel sorry for himself or he could help out at a.charity or whatever. It really is upto him..
That first Christmas without my husband I found very hard, traumatic even as so many feelings were overwhelming me… even photos I see.now of that first Christmas I do not remember being taken… take one day at a time Footballfan1, first anniversaries can bring on a multitude of feelings but it does get easier, it lessons ❤️ big hugs

[Footballfan1]

Thanks Hereforhelp,
It really is all so complicated isn’t it.
Like you say, I need to take one day at a time.

Like your ex, mine tried to use gifts.
It’s awful because he escalates each time he gives them.
I really don’t want them!
I think maybe he expects forgiveness and everything to be suddenly dropped in return for the presents.
He turned nasty after buying my one child an expensive gift.
I think he expected child to literally do everything he wanted in return for the gift.
He was gobsmacked when he stood up for himself for the first time I’ve seen and told his dad he is not happy with the way he speaks to him

I was amazed and so proud.
It took me years to get to that point of understanding x

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