Imagination in overdrive

[Bumblebee3]

I done it! I walked away from it all. The control, the bullying the belittling, the negativity.
I’m now doing ok….. good and bad days. We have a daughter together so still dealing with all the emotions that go with that.
But My mind is just focused on the what if’s constantly. He has a new relationship, of course he would it started probably straight after I left. She’s much younger than me and even though I have closure (or thought I did) I can’t help but imagine he is now the best Man ever to have walked the earth, Mr right, the full package. Holding hands, attentive, helpful, kind, generous,funny. Basically everything he wasn’t with me.
I picture him living his best life with new girlfriend, whilst I’m still reading positive quotes online and still trying to figure out where I go from here and find the person I used to be.
I keep telling myself I’m not bitter. We both deserve to move on….. but can’t help be feel like an injustice about it.

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Bumblebee3

I hear you, I know, much injustice in such an awful situation, but, please don’t think that he will be a different person with anyone else. My first thought was relief that he would leave me alone as he had found someone else, and tbh I didn’t even care so much about when he ‘pounced’ on the latest one, actually felt sorry for her. It hurt, of course it did, but I was also fooled into thinking this would mean he’d leave us alone. For some, I think maybe it does mean this, but for others not.

Give yourself the time to move through everything you’ve experienced and let your head make sense of it all.

I know its good to be out, and free, but it is also a letting go, the loss of what you’d hoped for, and all the dreams you may have held about it if only things had gone better, and there hadn’t been the abuse.

Don’t torture yourself with these things, you know him far better than anyone else, and this isn’t who he is. Sadly, the new woman, has no idea what is going to happen to her life, just like we didn’t. No woman deserves this.

Just remember all those reasons you had to go, had to get away, escape from it and take your child with you for safety. He wont change. He’ll be telling her all different kinds of lies about his previous life, and she’ll be always giving him the benefit of the doubt, until she doesn’t anymore.

You live your best life, and hold your head high looking forward, to your future, not back, or across at what he’s doing. Focus on you and keeping safe and happy.
warmest wishes

ts

[nbumblebee]

Ahhhh wow how amazing are you for getting out be proud of yourself be so very proud.
They dont ever change, they may go back, back to that nice kind man we fell in love with so he can rein in another victim but eventaully his old tricks will surface they wont change.
You will though, now you are out you will grow, get stronger find yourself again and love that beautiful person you are. It may take time but it will happen now you are free.
Work on that. Do thinhs for you things that make you happy things you werent able to do before.
Do you know what I would love to do?
I would just love to sit on a beach alone with a book and a cuppa thats it all ive ever wanted to be able to smile at people walking by without being told off to have some me time without being accused of having an affair to just sit.
Simple things just do small simple things that will make your heart sing.
Go out there life your life your way show yourself and him that he didnt break you that you survived and you are out now you did it now go live.
Lots love and hugs xx

[Grey Rock]

I know it’s hard. Just try to remember the abuse pattern though. At the moment he’s just found new supply and is busy hooking her into place. When the charm act slips, which it inevitably will, she’ll be left like the rest of us were, bewildered and trying to figure out what happened, and where her charming caring man disappeared to.

He’s not a different person, just going through the same old patterns again.

Take care lovely.

GR x

[Anonymous]

I too worried on this I think that’s y I held on longer than I should have as the thought of him moving on as he so kept reminding me he could & would haunted me , I often said to my friends will he be better with her ? Will he try harder ? Will she have a better life ? All these thoughts torturing my mind daily , then I thought to myself you know what who cares , all I know is I didn’t get treated properly, what matters is me , I don’t care what he is doing with her , she has my sympathies. It is hard to think of moving on , letting go of a relationship that is exhausting to keep trying to make it work . Acceptance is key , it takes time to grieve the loss of the what could of been and finally finding peace in every way to let go and move on . He won’t treat her any better rest assured , in the beginning to reel any other victim in it’s all sunshine & roses , but soon enough the cracks start to appear and what you see in your head as the perfect relationship is exactly the same as yours if not worse .

[Bumblebee3]

Thanks for all the comments.

[wildandfree]

Hi Bumblebee3

I completely understand where you are coming from. I am (detail removed by Moderator) years out and I still get pangs of pain that he is now the perfect partner. I still get angry that he got off scott free. He had sympathy from everyone because I abandoned him when he needed me. I am angry that he got the house and all my belongings except my clothes and a few books.

I was replaced (detail removed by Moderator) days after I finally walked out on him. She now lives part time at what was my family home. I have seen the photos of the places he has taken her, the gifts he has given her. The photos of the family holiday they went on with our children. We live in the same village and he has even brought her to the place I work, to hang out with our mutual friends. My imagination goes into overdrive questioning why the heck he couldn’t do all the nice things for me. Why did he feel it was ok to treat the woman he claimed to love so poorly, then be the perfect partner as soon as I leave.

It has taken me a long time to realise that he has not changed. He is just putting on a good show. It is a matter of time until the real him gradually returns. I am grateful every day that I am out. In someways I feel sorry for her that she has brought the latest ticket to his messed up circus of abuse and lies.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it is normal to question why this man is now Mr Perfect and why couldn’t he be that for you. It is just a matter of time before it happens again to her.

You are out and free. It is a place so many wish they could be! As hard as it feels sometimes, this is your chance to rediscover you. Find the woman you used to be. Decide on the woman you want to be.
Well done for getting to where you are, you should be very proud of yourself.

[Tree19]

Hi you wrote to me a while ago . I am so happy you found the strength to leave. I wish you every happiness. I d be feeling the same if he had someone else . Try switch off best you can

[Bee1]

Hello other Bee,
I haven’t been in here for a while, and happened to read of your escape 👍👍👍
It takes a lot of courage, i know too well.
That comparison mind-chatter is tough to control isn’t it, time I think is the only thing that will help that naturally weaken its volume. I am quite a number of months out myself and I still get those pangs…
But not a day goes by when I don’t appreciate my peace, albeit a very lonely existence since, but he won’t walk through my door with all his trauma.
I know he will be bamboozling the next feed/s and in full swing of the charming best behaviour, I pity the next ones, they will find out true colours in time.
Enjoy your new wings of freedom, take good care of you now, be patient with yourself.
I know myself, it simply cannot be rushed. 💓

[Author]

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