Is it abuse or all in my head

[Rubble]

Every morning i wake up with the kids and he stays in bed till gone 12pm everyday. Me and the kids have to be quiet incase we wake him up. If he does gen woken up he will shout and then that will end in either smashing somethong or calling me every name under the sun. If the flat isnt tidy or the kods have made a mess then i will get called fat lazy and a rubbish mum. I have lost count how many time i have been told these words. In the past he has strangled me, kicked me and even gave me a black eye wich he says it my fault for answering him bahim back. He smokes weed and i am the one that suffers if he doesnt have it of if i refuse to ask family members for money. Because he doest alway hirt me all the time he just smahed stuff and call me names that it not abuse and i should stop feeling sorry for my self. He has threatend to hurt me and run away with the kids if i ever try to leave him. My mental health is so low i dont see a light at the end of the tunnel so to speal. But if i say this to my OH he will call me stupid and say im unfit to be a mum. Is this all in my head pr could it be a form of abuse i just dont know anymore

[hop]

No darling, it’s not all in your head. Punching and strangling and making you feel worthless like that in front of your kids is definitely abuse. If you haven’t spoken to anyone would you feel comfortable talking to your gp or ringing up women’s aid? Take care of yourself x

[Rubble]

Thank you for the reply.
Im too scared to talk to my GP incase he says the same and takes my kids away. This is the first i have ever said anything what if no one believes me.

[KIP.]

You absolutely will be believed. Contact your local women’s aid or ring the national domestic abuse helpline. Women’s aid deal with situations and abusers like him every day. They will be able to help you without judgment or removing your children. Nobody removes your children when you’re trying to keep them safe but you cannot do this on your own. Well done for reaching out on here. Is there anyone else you can talk to, a friend or family member. I know there are often discussions about domestic abuse in primary schools now and your children will recognise this. Abusers use the FOG of abuse to control us the Fear Obligation and Guilt. Feeling guilty and that you won’t be beloved is normal in abuse victims. He’s probably told you that too but not one professional didn’t believe me. They see this behaviour every single day. Take baby steps but start slowly reaching out. The domestic abuse murders have doubled since lockdown. Strangulation is the step before murder very often and will be taken extremely seriously. Your kids need a happy healthy confident mum and abuse strips us of that. You won’t be able to cope with him yourself so reach out, have you thought about a refuge until you can get some help with your mental health (which his abuse is causing)?

[Rubble]

I dont have any friends and i dont want my family caught up in my mess and see me down. I keep a smile on my face for my kids and family but im broken inside. I have tried to say something in the past but i stop my self. I dont know were to start in gettimg help as ive no proof of what hes done. To my family he is a good peeson. I scared that leaving will make it all worse. Somethimes its safer to agree with him that this is normal and i should stop pretending im a victim.

[Lisa]

Hi Rubble

I just wanted to show you some support. I can see that freedomfries01 and KIP have given great support.

I am very worried for your safety here and your partner sounds very dangerous. Please start with getting some support with your local service which you can find here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ or you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (weekdays 10am – 4pm and 10am – 12pm weekends). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/ You will be believed.

This is not a healthy environment for the children or for you to live in. You are a good mum and you deserve to be happy with the children so please reach out to get support.

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[Rubble]

Thank you
I am currently waiting for someone from the online chat. I dont feel comfortable talking to anyone on the phone from my localarea untill he goes or is asleep.

[Rubble]

I will try again tomorrow cant reply for now oh us awake i dont want him to find out

[Kitkat44]

How are you today? Hope you’ve managed to talk/chat with someone. It feels like a huge step but i know once I’d had that conversation with people who know so much about it and understand, you can feel much less alone.
Take care
Xx

[Wants To Help]

Hi Rubble,

What you are describing is very serious domestic abuse, please do not suffer any more and try and reach out for help.

If your mobile phone number is registered to your home address you can always try and do a silent 999 call. The emergency services operator will automatically put any disturbance call through to the Police, and the Police can trace the address of a mobile phone number (as long as the number is registered to an address and not an unregistered pay as you go mobile) in about 4 minutes. Any disturbance heard in the background will be on a recorded line and can be used in evidence. This is one way you can summon help. If you can’t open the door to the Police when they arrive they will force entry if they can hear a disturbance or screaming etc inside.

This type of violence and abuse is so hard to break free from without professional support and intervention. Do not fear that you will not be believed, you WILL be believed and there is help available to ensure you and your children are safe.

[Rubble]

Hi
I havnt managed to get through to anyone yet.
It so hard plan anything when i dont have a penny to my mame so i cant just up and leave. When he is being nice to me i feel happy for a while. I know i need to end thing but a little part of me is saying he could change and if o work at being a better partner it would make him happier. Can the police remove him even if the flat is in both our names.

[iliketea]

@Rubble did you know you can apply for Universal Credit if you are experiencing domestic abuse but still living with your partner in the same house but trying to leave. They consider you to be ex if you are planning on ending it and you are experiencing domestic abuse. Hopefully this will give you a chance to get some money set aside to be able to leave.

[PinkGiraffe]

Hello, I am new too. I just wanted to say that it is absolutely not in your head. Please don’t stop trying to get help, once you get some support you can start a new chapter!

[Wants To Help]

Yes Rubble, the Police can arrest him based on what you tell them he is doing to you. If the evidence is there to proceed with a prosecution they can impose bail conditions to keep him away from you and your address, if not, they can consider issuing a Domestic Violence Protection Notice (DVPN) to evict him from the address for 72 hours with the intention of taking this to court to extend for 28 days. If the court agree to it, it becomes a Domestic Violence Protection Order (DVPO). It is a temporary eviction notice and gives you the time to get some help and make some enquiries / decisions for your long term safety for you and the children.

DVPN’s and DVPO’s are mainly issued when serious violence is involved and the Police has graded the incident as High Risk. Strangulation, kicks, blacks eyes are all serious violence. Strangulation is a huge red flag as often abusers who use strangulation are the type to statistically go on to commit murder.

[Rubble]

Thank you everyone for the advise i am currently taking to someone from my local area i will update when i can

[Author]

Posts