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Is it always about control? Is that what makes these men tick. I don’t understand it we have been split up so long I thought he would have got over our relationship by now, he did seem to have moved on, but he is like a spring. I know he doesn’t want to get back with me. We did get back together early last year but it was just horrific and it lasted aboit six weeks I just don’t understand him. How can he change like this. What the hell does he want from me. Why one minute are we allies and friends and the next hes critisizing me. I know he puts me down in front of our son. My son is always telling me “mummys stupid” and other such things his dad has “jokingly” taught him. He undermines my authority and then tells me I need more control of our son because he doesn’t misbehave for him
He sent me a message today about our son as though monday never happened as though he hadn’t said he was making a court application. I just can’t understand how one minute hes is telling me im a bad mother and my son is better with him and the next all is ok and ok I might need to collect him from school if he says he feels sick. -
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Just stop talking to him every day! Plan your days and when it is time for contact, allow the contact but don’t engage him in conversation. If he doesn’t turn up for contact, don’t call him. Just find something else to do with your child.
If he makes an application you will get a copy from the court. Then you can deal with it then. Just ignore his threats. Do not rise to his threats as long as you are safe.
I do not recommend seeing him alone. See him in public to do any handover. preferably where there are lot of other big men about. If you see him in a place where there are only children and other women he won’t be put off from verbally or physically attacking you.
Always make sure that you are safe and then find ways to get him out of your mind psychologically.
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yes everything they say and do is about control. They are either trying to establish control, or maintain control. Nothing else. Its all control, control, control. He needs your emotions, your hurt, your upset and angst. That’s why he still likes to engage with you. He feels powerful when you feel weak. Now if you go No Contact with him as much as you can as Sahara says, the tables will be turned. No Contact will give the Power back to you. You will feel stronger and he will feel weaker. If he can’t get ‘fuel/reactions’ from you, eventually he will be forced to get ‘reaction/fuel for his addiction (he’s addicted to Power and Control) from someone else. Poor them. But at least your sanity will be protected and he will be so busy breaking a new victim in that he won’t have as much energy and time to be bad-mouthing you to your children.
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