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I was finally emotional free from a very bad situation few years ago that got worse when I left him. He still tries to control and manipulate me regarding the children but have coping strategies to get me through each trouble he brings.
I met back up with an old childhood love around the time I became free. It was amazing. He was everything I needed and more. For a decade not feeling loved to be given it in an bucket loads I was happy.
Then I fell pregnant and things changed. He got very cold and distance. Play with my head daily then would ignore me. I decided on abortion as i didn’t wanna go through past history again. I did he came back with he’s sorry he didn’t mean to not support me he panicked.I went back to him. This is when I started discovering lies. When I picked him on them he would turn it around as if I’m judging him and blaming him for things. He would cheat regularly with the same person because in his religion he’s allowed to keep being with her.
The lies were very big things and each one I would forgive and try move on but always knowing another discovery is coming. One day he could be planning our future and the next day he wants nothing to do with me. I decided I can’t live like this so I left him. Changed my number got on with my life. He tracked me down via work and would call and email constantly that the only way he would stop if I talk to him, i did and he had me back where he wanted trying to control me. Wanting to know where I’m going who I am with. He would usually go bed early but he would stay up all night if I went out with friends and message me through the night asking what I’m doing and he wouldn’t stop till he knew I was home then he would go to sleep. He said it was to make it was okay and not sleeping with someone. I would not tell him where I was as he would make his way. Asking friends to not post on social media with our exact location. Things got worse over the year the lies continued he would blame everyone else but him I stayed because I know there a good person in there. He would block me then the next day say he can’t live without me. Few weeks back I discovered a lie that I can’t move on from and have told him it’s over but he won’t accept it
He believes I’m confused and being emotional. Take no blame for the situation and feels I’m judging him for his reasons for lying.He calls me n**********c and If I loved him I wouldn’t leave him. He then tells me I’m better off without him. I deal with this and try get over the relationship. Days pass and I’m not doing to great but know it’s best for me. I throw myself into work and bam he back says we should go away together. Like the break up didn’t happen. I’m currently having a miscarriage and he’s hasn’t said anything not a word. In a few days he will apologies and say he’s sorry, he loves me and I can’t leave him. I scared of him or what he will do to him self when I leave him. He’s changed numbers called me on loads of phone numbers just for me to pick up. I’m scared him knowing where I am I’m always looking over my shoulder but is this abuse?
From someone you have loved since a child. Who is a really good person but has faults. -
Simple answer: yes. There’s so many red flags in your post. You even say you are scared. Say goodbye for good and rell him you mean it. Tell him you want no contact from him and make it clear, put it in writing in text or email or both. To me it looks as if he is showing evidence of harassment, even seems to be stalking you, involve the police to keep him away if you have to and keep the evidence of all contacts he makes. Ring the helpline for advice too and keep safe x
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Yes, I am afraid it sounds exactly like domestic abuse. I am so sorry this has happened to you again. It is absolutely not your fault. As White Rose says, you need to leave, cut all contact with this man and sadly involve the police if he continues to stalk and harrass you. Ring the helpline for support and help with planning.
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Dear kind-hearted,
This abusive man (no doubt about it) seems to be stalking you. He might even be cyber stalking you. If he has ever had your phone in his hands, he could have switched the location finder on and linked it to his phone or computer. That would mean he can locate your phone whenever it’s switched on. It might be worth getting you geographic location finder switched off, if you know how to. Ultimately a new phone and change of number might be a good move to protect your privacy.
So sorry you’ve been let down so badly by someone who seemed so perfect. Abusers can be so good at play-acting!
Flower x
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Flower he does cyber stalk me via my work and that how he got my details to contact me again. He regularly Google search me and tells me he will stop. He told me to take down my work information as he feels like it’s too much information. It isnt. It’s all work related but he’s not happy
I don’t bother changing my work details because he will search and find my details. He criticise everything I do and he can do not wrong -
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If he is able to find your work phone number via Google that’s a concern – most work places these days have DA policy , if you are at risk of being harassed at work your employer has a responsibility /duty of care to protect you from it – speak to them about your situation, I know it’s so hard but once they know a bit more about your situation they should hopefully be supportive, and one thing they can do to protect you from harrassemrn is agreeing to change your work number and keep it private …. Have calls diverted/screened by someone else first before they come through to you
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