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Hi there,
I’m hoping I can get some advice with the relationship that I’m in as feeling very confused and wondering why I’m feeling so awful about myself and thinking it’s my fault. (detail removed by moderator). He has ADHD and I use that as an excuse for his behaviour a lot thinking oh he’s just boisterous or let’s slip out which are mean. When we first got together he would make jokes such as having another girlfriend or my age as was turning (detail removed by moderator) which at first was ok but he would continually do it even if I asked him to stop. He pointed girls out which were younger than me. He would say he didn’t trust me and that Iw as going to leave him anyway. It then got onto how many people had I slept with before him and he hated thinking of me with anyone else before or ever and he bet I had slept with over 50-100 people. (detail removed by moderator) and that he was worried about my friend who is a boy on whether we would have some sort of an affair. He said he spoke to my friend an everything was sorted but when I asked my friend he said the conversation didn’t happen. (detail removed by moderator) He’s hit me a few times as in a slap on my leg which left his finger marks and I took a pic of it and once with a remote as a joke but continually did it where I had to grab the remote and chuck it. It wasn’t hard and was a ‘joke’ for him which he was like oh I didn’t do it that hard. He’s doen it before when he’s hit me on the back as a laugh and I said he’s too rough with me. He calls me the most lovely things, says he loves me and wants to marry me but then does all the stuff above and I don’t know why I feeling so bad all of a sudden where I’m now on anti-depressants. Is this emotional abuse that I’m not recognising in my head? He’s very confident about himself and talks about his manhoof a lot! (cringe) (detail removed by moderator) He can be forceful with that stuff as in pleasing him in the most weird places like in a park, or in the car! or when we’re away he will pull my hair to make me do stuff and then I get upset and he will say sorry. I’m basically very confused as everyone loves him and he can be so affectionate with me. I’ve not experienced this before so sometimes I think am I being silly? sorry for the essay but I feel I really need help. Thank you for any advice you can give me
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Thanks for your response goingthroughit. I guess I feel bad and want to help him as he says he’s depressed and when I ask him about it to help he’ll snap so I have that feeling sorry for him. I keep thinking I was being silly and he’s just boisterous. Sounds stupid but I don’t know how to leave him, even what to do or say
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Let him snap just disappear and tell someone who u can trust.
when I’d had enough I started talking and telling my family what was happening
and I still feel confused all the time I blamed myself i still do he has left it’s been about 5 days sometimes I just wanna day come home but then I remember what that would mean he is their for the child and I think it’s better that way.
I have been spat at in the face
I have been hit (I hit back)
I have been called terrible names and all past relationships brought up.
I have had a baby walker thrown on top of me
I’ve been slapped in the face so hard I’ve just got silent.
I wasn’t allowed to parties of relatives and friends even though they are female
I’ve had silent treatment
Ive had to beg him to come home
I have to ask premession for things
I’m not allowed to go gym
And after all that above I am confused and still blame myself still to this very day why who knows just get out of it hun it’s not a way of life I’d rather blame myself and be freeGo to your gp go somewhere get talking go police station if I must just get out now
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Thank you for your advice and support. It’s so hard when you’re in it. I thought if I would never let anyone treat me like that and if someone said I’d be in an abusive relationship I wouldn’t of believed them as I usually take no rubbish from people. He is very affectionate and gives me so many compliments I think I get confused when he does something not normal. I’m so sorry you’ve gone through that stuff, it’s horrendous and you’ll find the strength to get through it. One person out of how many ppl in world?! Should make feel like this. It was very rare he would do stuff but recently he’s doing the whole how many ppl have I slept with (detail removed by moderator) I do feel so much better to air it out. I’ve been thinking I’m crazy!! We deserve so much better than this xx
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Leave this relationship whilst you can, before you suffer further. What you describe is abusive. I think you know that deep down, otherwise you wouldn’t be posting on here.
It is not normal behaviour in a relationship. As the previous post states, it is not only emotional but physical and it will escalate over time. I’m texting as someone who chose not to follow my gut in the very early stages of my relationship with my husband. I knew deep down it was wrong but I carried on in the relationship, making excuses for him for many months. I now have two very young children. It is so much harder to leave once you are married and have children. -
Ps Feeling confused is a sure sign of abuse. I have felt “confused” by my husband the whole of our relationship. Confusion is what abusers create. They cause us to doubt ourselves. But you mustn’t doubt yourself. Listen to your gut which is telling you this is very wrong. Your partner having depression is no excuse for his unacceptable and inappropriate behaviour. People who have depression but are not abusive DO NOT treat other people this way.
It sounds like he is sexually abusive as well as emotionally and physically. -
Are you able to speak to your local Women’s Aid or else a domestic abuse advice line for help and guidance around the safest way to leave this relationship?
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Thank you so much for your messages. I feel like I am normal from airing this out. I didn’t tell my friends anything and just my sister knows the odd thing as I thought I was sensitive and now they do know everything they’re so shocked and disgusted but it’s not as easy to just leave like that and to talk about it with ppl who have gone through similar things is helping. You’re right in that deep down I know what he is doing isn’t right. I feel so far from who I am. Honestly been feeling like I’m nuts. My mum had a similar situation as you that my dad was abusive before they got married but was here and there and she thought after marriage be fine but got so much worse and it makes me feel like a fool that I saw that stuff and it’s also happened to me! I will try and find out where there is one locally to see best way to leave. If I carry on I think I’ll become completely broken. I hope you’re ok and if you need to talk I’m open
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