Is it in my head

[Strawberrysun]

I know this sounds stupid but is it still abuse if he hasn’t been horrible for a couple of weeks? We have bad arguments that always lead to shouting and me being called a stupid b***h or some variation of that. Our last argument he threw (detail removed by Moderator) at me that missed. But since then he’s been making plans about our future

[Hereforhelp]

Hi, no it isn’t in your head, what you have described is the cycle of abuse… it is the nice, calm times which keep us there. If he was always abusive it would be easier…. Google the cycles of abuse. I recommend Living with the Dominater by Pat Craven and Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft… Read up on Domestic Abuse, podcasts by Dr Ramani are also helpful at thus stage.
My husband could go weeks and weeks being so lovely, thoughtful and kind.. then the drip drip of abuse would start again… I remained for over 2 decades.. so glad I am out now. Keep strong and trust keep posting ❤️

[nbumblebee]

The nice times are why we stay.
It messes with your head as if they were horrible all the time we would see quicker more clearly and i think maybe even leave sooner. In still here over 2 decades married its the good times the calm times i crave and its why i stay.
Sometimes they laat a week maybe 2 but sometimes not even a day.
The nastiness comes back quivk enough. Have you read about the cycle of abuse? Google it as it may help.
But no it is not in your head sweetie. Stay safe xx

[Bananaboat]

Is it theft if you only steal once in a while? The nice times are just as much abuse as those shouty ones. They serve a purpose, which as you’re now experiencing is to make you doubt the bad, keep you hooked. Those plans about the future are highly likely to be something called ‘future faking’ and will again keep you hooked and forgiving of the bad because you want to believe that future will happen – it won’t. Definitely check out the books Heretohelp suggested, really helped me xx

[ICanDoThis22]

No, it’s not in your head and most definitely is abuse! My husband’s been doing it to me for years and just realised when our daughter was born. I left and stayed in refuge a while back…while planning to leave, things would be fine for a while and I would doubt myself and what I was doing. That’s what they want you to do…to doubt yourself and feel ashamed so they have the control and power.

[Strawberrysun]

Thank you guys it’s nice to actually get a second opinion. Every time I’m sad all I head is that it’s all my mental health and my “mood swings”.

How do you guys cope with the day to day disrespect all the time? X

[Author]

Posts