Is it me?

[Munchkin04]

Hi. I just need to offload.
I came home from work, we chatted I had a bath. After my bath I was chilled and quiet. He kept asking if I was ok. I said you and reassured him that all was ok. He said he feels like I’m going to say something that he’s done something. I again told him there’s nothing wrong. This went on for ages. We had a laugh (detail removed by Moderator). He said something about (detail removed by Moderator) had delivered. I answered him saying it was for (detail removed by Moderator). He said he’s going to leave me alone and go to bed then went to sit in (detail removed by Moderator). I went to sit with him and showed him something I was looking at (detail removed by Moderator). He didn’t look up from his phone so I asked him what was wrong. He erupted and said I’ve turned it around to be about him having a problem. I said I was just asking as I’d shown you something and you didn’t look up. He then went on to say he’s sensed something tonight and he feels uneasy around me so is going to bed. I tried to say again there’s nothing wrong. He got frustrated and shouted. He’s now gone to bed. Is it me? I’m sat I tears as he doesn’t want to be around me when I know there’s nothing wrong. I’ve text him but he has t replied. I just don’t understand him.

[KIP.]

I came home from work, we chatted I had a bath. After my bath I was chilled and quiet.

That’s all you had to do for him to abuse you. Abusers abuse because they can. More often when they see us happy and content, that really irritates them. There’s nothing different you could have done, he chooses to abuse and upset you because it makes him feel good.

[Munchkin04]

Thank you. I tried to talk to him (detail removed by Moderator) saying I’m not aware that I’m different but I am struggling with menopause symptoms at the moment. He got very frustrated when I tried to discuss my Hrt regime and that I think it needs tweaking. He got frustrated and told me to stop talking as he didn’t understand and that I’m causing his head to be messed up. I told him I wasn’t going to go on a (detail removed by Moderator) with him (detail removed by Moderator)and that I’m going (detail removed by Moderator). While out I messaged him (detail removed by Moderator) times sending lighthearted messages and olive branches but have heard nothing. I feel like I’ve don’t something so wrong. To be blanked when I’m sending the olive branches has left me so hurt and frustrated and I don’t want to go home. When we talk about him everything is fine but I get frustration everytime it’s about me. When he gets frustrated I get muddled and say the wrong thing in his eyes then it’s my fault for not stopping talking.

[KIP.]

You could be the most perfect partner in the world and he’s still going to abuse you simply because he enjoys it. It’s not your fault. It feels like a punishment which is awful but you’ve done nothing, abusers abuse when we do nothing. He won’t change and it will get worse x

[Lazarus17]

Hi Munchkin04.

No, it’s not you.
I’ll say it again – it’s not you.
Once more for luck – It. Is. Not. You.

I think most here can replay similar conversations – almost verbatim. I certainly can. And I can pretty much guarantee that at some point he’ll blame your hormones – sadly your own words always come back to haunt you (or as a stick to beat you with).

I’ll repeat – IT’S NOT YOU!

[Author]

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